College Lacrosse Weekend Internet Talking Interface: March 31, 2012

Do you see that picture up there? Good. That means that angry otter hasn't clawed out your eyes yet. Look sharp; they attack like the wind, leaving only a trail of wet pseudo-adorableness behind them. They're deceptive little assassins, I tell you.

There are 26 games today, which is a dangerous amount of lacrosse in one day. I've conducted interviews with physicians over this, and they're unanimous in their analysis: Your brain may explode due to this level of lacrosse. Please make sure that you're wearing a helmet or something while monitoring all of this lacrosse because, as always, your health is the most important thing.

Here are your six highlights for today:

• Virginia at Maryland: It's ACC warfare at College Park! Bring your night vision goggles or something! Kevin Cooper won't be able to go for the Terps today because he was Naughty Nancy last weekend and called Carolina's Greg McBride a slut or something. The Cavaliers are coming off their first loss of the season and this will be their first foray into the league in 2012. If that Maryland defense, anchored by Niko Amato, doesn't take on too much water, the Terrapins could set themselves up nicely for the ACC and NCAA tournaments.
• Villanova at Penn State: IT'S ANOTHER PENNSYLVANIA LACROSSE WAR! EVERYONE PUT AWAY THE JOHN DEERE FOR, LIKE, AN HOUR OR TWO AND PILE INTO THE STATION WAGON FOR THE PENNSYLVANIA LACROSSE WAR! The Wildcats got their first win against a non-Pennsylvanian school last weekend when they traveled up to the Carrier Dome and pretty much dominated the entire second half en route to a 11-10 victory. Penn State is rolling out "Blonde Satan" into the cage to try and stop the throwing star that is Villanova's offense.
• Ohio State at Loyola: Mike Sawyer is buttery silk, which is neither saleable as an edible item or fabric. Whatever; that's what he is, dammit. His Greyhounds still sit unblemished on the season, much unlike buttered silk. Logan Schuss is a crushing soul destroyer, sent from Canada to the United States for crimes against goalies (probably). This is a huge ECAC match up, with both teams trying to keep their unbeaten league records in tact.
• Towson at Hofstra: THUNDERDOME! As long as team's have partially working lungs, nobody is ever out of THUNDERDOME! league action. Shawn Nadelen has his Tigers at 5-3 on the season and 1-0 in a conference that crowns those that replace their arms with chainsaws. It's a touching story. On the other side of the killing field is Hofstra, treading water at .500 overall and in the Colonial. It's kind of like they had one arm and one leg chopped off but are still tossing homemade hand grenades are combatants to try and survive. (I think I wept a tear of happiness after writing that last sentence.) THUNDERDOME! is gonna THUNDERDOME!, and it's gonna THUNDERDOME! eastern Long Island all night.
• Colgate at Army: After last week's noggin' buster against Navy, Peter Baum and the Fightin' Peter Baums continue their Patriot League march with a trip to West Point to face a sputtering Army outfits. It's probably pretty un-American to beat the Black Knights, but Patriot League titles tend to reward conscientious objectors.
• Drexel at Delaware: THUNDERDOME! Delaware is winless in Colonial play this season; Drexel is unbeaten. This means absolutely nothing, because when the Blue Hens send their battlebot with buzz saw after the Dragons and Drexel lights a ring of fire around itself while tapping a lead pipe, recent history kind of flees out the window hoping to never to see the horrors it just witnessed.

And the rest for today and tonight:

This is your open thread for Saturday. Could you pick up a gallon of milk before you come over? Thanks. People will be around to yak about whatever is tickling their fancy. Tomorrow's games will appear in a post, well, tomorrow.

Also, if you haven't yet, give a "like" to College Crosse over on Facebook and make sure to give a follow to @SexyTimeLax.