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Your Fandom is Now the Property of College Lacrosse: College Lacrosse Schedule for April 3, 2012

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I feel you, Coach.  Tuesday is a fickle mistress.
I feel you, Coach. Tuesday is a fickle mistress.

Well, college basketball season ended last night. Kentucky put the ball in the hoop more than Kansas did, which means that they won the prize. (The prize, according to the news, was tyranny on the streets and a crystal ball that nobody will ever be able to touch. Exciting!) With the bouncyball season officially in the books, though, one thing has become certain: Your fandom is now the exclusive property of college lacrosse, as delivered by College Crosse and administered by Hoya Suxa Enterprises, Inc.

You are totally and utterly screwed. You're also welcome.

It's a pretty gruesome slate tonight, and that might be a generous description. There hasn't been a Tuesday this bad since politicians were assaulting you with cockamamie commercials to get you to vote for them for a position that you neither care about or wish existed. Here are the highlights of the evening's slate:

  • Dartmouth at Hofstra: Will this be the game that finally sends the Pride over the edge, leaving us to find them hanging from a basement I-beam? The Big Green are no great shakes -- their victory over Colgate this season, a win in which Dartmouth held the Raiders to only six goals, is still an impossibility of logic -- but Hofstra remains one of the most frustrating teams to watch play this season.
  • Bryant at Brown: IT'S A RHODE ISLAND LACROSSE WAR! EVERYONE PUT DOWN THEIR NO-BID, PREFERENTIAL CONSTRUCTION CONTRACTS FROM THE PROVIDENCE MAYOR AND HEAD UP THE HILL FOR THE RHODE ISLAND LACROSSE WAR! Mike Pressler has his Bulldogs sitting at 7-2 on the year and hung tough against their two toughest opponents -- a two-goal loss to Colgate and a one-goal, double overtime defeat at the hands of Fairfield. Brown is Brown, which is a fineable offense in some Gulf-area localities.

And, in case you have a nasty case of sadism, here's the rest of tonight's docket:

APRIL 3, 2012
AWAY HOME TIME FUN FACTOR RANK
Canisius Binghamton 7:00 1.2419 5
Yale Providence 7:00 2.7858 2
Dartmouth Hofstra 7:00 3.0995 1
Bryant Brown 7:00 2.5296 3
Wagner Manhattan 7:00 0.1381 6
Lafayette Marist 7:00 2.0021 4

Leave your comments about the game or anything else (QUERY: Y U NO AWESOME TUESDAY?) in the comments below.