Every Division I tournament. Every team. College Crosse has it all on lockdown. Please send cookies and naptime. Today we're slashing to bits the Ivy League Tournament.

You want the biggest bubble battle of the weekend? Look no further to this one. Cornell, without master of the universe Rob Pannell, has fallen down to the bubble spot after two straight losses. Yale, on the other hand, is on fire and on a seven game winning streak after going quintuple-overtime against Princeton. The Big Red and the Bulldogs tackle in what should be an epic battle right off of Nassau Street this evening and the intensity will be through the roof. Here's a look at how these two squads match up.

Every Division I tournament. Every team. College Crosse has it all on lockdown. Please send cookies and naptime. Today we're slashing to bits the Ivy League Tournament.

The Princeton Tigers are one of the hottest teams in the nation and will be hosting the Ivy League Tournament. On the other hand, the Brown Bears are looking to do what the St. John's Red Storm did yesterday in the Big East and make the chaos theory continue to dominate college lacrosse. Grab some Hoagie Haven, because this one will be a fun one to watch. I mean, really, just check out Hoya Suxa's Fun Factor ratings for proof with this Tiger team. And if Brown pulls off the upset, that's fun too because it adds to the insanity of this season. You just had to miss the tournament, Harvard... That had a Jeremy Lin pun written all over it.

Every Division I tournament. Every team. College Crosse has it all on lockdown. Please send cookies and naptime. Today we're slashing to bits the Ivy League Tournament.

You want Ivy League team profiles? You've got Ivy League team profiles.

#1 Seed Princeton Tigers

#2 Seed Cornell Big Red

Yale and Brown come up after the jump

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Every Division I tournament. Every team. College Crosse has it all on lockdown. Please send cookies and naptime. Today we're slashing to bits the Ivy League Tournament.

Well, this piece should piss off everyone from Providence to Princeton: The Ivy League Tournament is getting the truncated team profile treatment. The Ivy League doesn't deserve this. (I know.) The reality of the situation, though, is that 4,000 words about each of the conference's postseason participants just isn't going to happen today. My head is appropriatley hung and I will sit in a penalty box for two minutes and feel shame.

Anyway, here's the heat on the Ivy League.

Princeton Tigers: One-Seed

For a more complete, mind-bending picture of Princeton, here's a .pdf of the complete report.

La Universidad Corntes: Two-Seed

For a more complete, mind-bending picture of Cornell, here's a .pdf of the complete report.

Yale Bulldogs: Three-Seed

For a more complete, mind-bending picture of the Elis, here's a .pdf of the complete report.

Brown Bears: Four-Seed

For a more complete, mind-bending picture of Bruno, here's a .pdf of the complete report.

Four pieces of incredibly important information from my brain to your eyes via your Internet computing machine:

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Every Division I tournament. Every team. College Crosse has it all on lockdown. Please send cookies and naptime. Today we're slashing to bits the Ivy League Tournament.

You know what with music... I've had a busy week. I'm letting YOU, the reader, to choose your music while viewing the conference overview! Oh man, what power to have. If you're reading this and thinking LOLOL NERDS, click here. If you're reading this and thinking LOLOL RICH PEOPLE, click here. If you're reading this and thinking "Oh, it's always Cornell and Princeton winning this conference anyway," click here and here (sorry P'ton fans for picking the most cliche song ever).

Now alas, no, Cornell and Princeton don't automatically win these things. They have, however, dominated the Ivy League quite a bit as of late. But don't let that fool you, this Ivy League Tournament, especially given Notre Dame's early exit in the Big East Tournament, is going to be whales of fun. The intensity is cranked up to 11 as it's looking less and less likely that the Ivy's a two-bid conference. Yale very much wants to crash the NCAA Tournament with their winning streak and Brown wants to make every bracketologist's head explode. The Tigers and the Red sure as hell want to be surely in the field, too. And with three teams on the at-large bubble, you know everybody's going to bring it at Class of 52 Astro Turf Field O'Fun.... actually, Princeton did a really nice job putting in field turf during the offseason, so it's no more super bouncy lax time!

Here's an infographic that I'm sure you guys will love. The Ivy League website kept all the ties in place and didn't have historic standings, and considering the Ivies count shared championships towards their conference title total, I kept them in place. This is also the most extensive infographic you'll see, as it goes back to the beginning of the NCAA Tournament era. I hope you all have as much fun looking at it as I did making this.

Click it to make it larger

Every Division I tournament. Every team. College Crosse has it all on lockdown. Please send cookies and naptime. Today we're slashing to bits the Ivy League Tournament.

If you wonder why Wall Street tanks today there's an easy explanation: Trading desks and boardrooms across the country and a little distracted with what will be going down tonight at Class of 1952 Campground at Princeton. If I were you I'd take all your money out of the various banks, liquidate all your assets, and shove that cash under your mattress because you just can't trust Thurston and Cunningham to, you know, not turn you into a pauper today due to their disagreements over collegiate pennant colors.

Fancy infographics and detailed team profiles will follow, but for now, here's an overview of the 2012 Ivy League Tournament that you can study non-stop until your eyes bleed. Everything gets moving for the wine and cheese crowd on May 4, 2012.

CONFERENCE TOURNAMENT: IVY LEAGUE

This tournament should have been Rob Pannell's farewell address to the Ivy League. Alas, with his flat tire, he is now roaming free among the American wilderness, trading stories with the Sasquatch and emboldening his own myth. The league's postseason won't be without mega stars, though, and that's a good thing. It's just that Pannell would've made this thing a rocket show, and rockets are fast and dangerous and generally badass.

Princeton -- the host of this whole fiasco -- enters the tournament strong coming off a dismantling of Cornell just a week ago. The Tigers remain underrated at the national leveland are looking more and more like a legitimate Memorial Monday candidate. Cornell, even without the newest member of the Yetti clan, has enough pop to earn a free invitation to the biggest show of them all (and may need to do so if it wants to play next weekend). Yale is rolling with concentrated firepower, the winner of seven straight despite the fact that their existence runs parallel to Hilbert's Problems. Brown is a lacrosse team.

Here's how each team stacks up in some legacy metrics:

Want the inside roll on the potential Ivy League winner? Well, throw all these teams in a hat, pick one out, and then throw the hat and the team you picked into the garbage because this tournament is steathily even. Brown isn't a total patsy, especially after the Bears' defeat of the Big Red just a few weeks ago. The Bulldogs are hotter than a two-dollar pistol. Cornell has claws and things that makes them dangerous in an evolutionary showdown. And Princeton, while looking like the class of the upper class, is still playing in a single-elimination playoff. These are the good times, people.

Here's the shakedown on the big offensive weapons taking the field this weekend:

T.O.V. = Total Offensive Value (individual points per 100 offensive possessions). This is updated through all games played by May 4, 2012.
Rank = National T.O.V. rank. This is updated through all games played by May 4, 2012.

So, that's your overview. Who are you taking to take home top honors?