Ivy League Lacrosse Tournament: Only the Finest Ascots Allowed

Every Division I tournament. Every team. College Crosse has it all on lockdown. Please send cookies and naptime. Today we're slashing to bits the Ivy League Tournament.

If you wonder why Wall Street tanks today there's an easy explanation: Trading desks and boardrooms across the country and a little distracted with what will be going down tonight at Class of 1952 Campground at Princeton. If I were you I'd take all your money out of the various banks, liquidate all your assets, and shove that cash under your mattress because you just can't trust Thurston and Cunningham to, you know, not turn you into a pauper today due to their disagreements over collegiate pennant colors.

Fancy infographics and detailed team profiles will follow, but for now, here's an overview of the 2012 Ivy League Tournament that you can study non-stop until your eyes bleed. Everything gets moving for the wine and cheese crowd on May 4, 2012.

CONFERENCE TOURNAMENT: IVY LEAGUE

This tournament should have been Rob Pannell's farewell address to the Ivy League. Alas, with his flat tire, he is now roaming free among the American wilderness, trading stories with the Sasquatch and emboldening his own myth. The league's postseason won't be without mega stars, though, and that's a good thing. It's just that Pannell would've made this thing a rocket show, and rockets are fast and dangerous and generally badass.

Princeton -- the host of this whole fiasco -- enters the tournament strong coming off a dismantling of Cornell just a week ago. The Tigers remain underrated at the national leveland are looking more and more like a legitimate Memorial Monday candidate. Cornell, even without the newest member of the Yetti clan, has enough pop to earn a free invitation to the biggest show of them all (and may need to do so if it wants to play next weekend). Yale is rolling with concentrated firepower, the winner of seven straight despite the fact that their existence runs parallel to Hilbert's Problems. Brown is a lacrosse team.

Here's how each team stacks up in some legacy metrics:

Want the inside roll on the potential Ivy League winner? Well, throw all these teams in a hat, pick one out, and then throw the hat and the team you picked into the garbage because this tournament is steathily even. Brown isn't a total patsy, especially after the Bears' defeat of the Big Red just a few weeks ago. The Bulldogs are hotter than a two-dollar pistol. Cornell has claws and things that makes them dangerous in an evolutionary showdown. And Princeton, while looking like the class of the upper class, is still playing in a single-elimination playoff. These are the good times, people.

Here's the shakedown on the big offensive weapons taking the field this weekend:

T.O.V. = Total Offensive Value (individual points per 100 offensive possessions). This is updated through all games played by May 4, 2012.
Rank = National T.O.V. rank. This is updated through all games played by May 4, 2012.

So, that's your overview. Who are you taking to take home top honors?