Manitta Announces Resignation from Manhattan

When Steve Manitta was named Manhattan's head coach in July 2012 after the school dismissed Tim McIntee, former Athletic Director Bob Byrnes provided the following statement:

"Coach Manitta impressed me as a 'can-do' coach with an excellent record of rapidly improving programs he takes over," Manhattan Athletic Director Bob Byrnes said. "He is extremely positive and enjoys an excellent reputation among other lacrosse coaches, which is invaluable in recruiting student-athletes to Manhattan. I feel fortunate to have Steve join us and know his impact will be very positive with the players."

Less than three years later, Manitta resigned his position as the Jaspers' program navigator after accumulating a 10-35 record in Riverdale. The statement from current Manhattan Athletic Direct Noah LeFevre is as short as Manitta's tenure:

"I thank Coach Manitta for his service to the College the past three seasons, he always represented the men's lacrosse program with class and dignity," said Manhattan College Director of Intercollegiate Athletics Noah D. LeFevre. "We wish him the best of luck as he pursues other endeavors."

A national coaching search will take place, but there is clearly only one qualified candidate for the job: Me.

Mr. Noah LeFevre
Director of Intercollegiate Athletics
Manhattan College Department of Athletics
4513 Manhattan College Parkway
Riverdale, New York 10471

RE: Head Coaching Vacancy -- Men's Lacrosse

Dear Future Employer That Will Eventually Hate Me:

Greetings! My name is Hoya Suxa and I am the solution to your lacrosse problem. As a resident of the city in which your school is located, I offer you the opportunity to hire a wholly unqualified candidate without incurring relocation expenses. (I am told this is why St. John's hired Chris Mullin.) I do, however, have a few demands:

• I do not want to coach in the Bronx. Please move your school to a different borough, preferable one in which I do not need to change trains on my commute.
• We cannot play any teams west of the Hudson River because nothing exists outside of what I am told is "New Jersey," whatever the hell that is.
• I have full creative control over Taco Tuesdays.

I anxiously await your affirmative response.

Always,

Hoya Suxa