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I was totally abducted by aliens the other day, you guys!
Seriously! The aliens directed this big light into my window when I was falling asleep. Then, all of a sudden, I was lifted up to their spaceship by some kind of tractor beam or something. It was nuts!
When I was in the spaceship the aliens laid me on this cold concrete table. They said, "Don't move. We're going to get our leader." Except they said it in alien, so it was more like, "Beep bop booop bop." (Not like a computer, though. Like an alien.)
So I waited. Then, out of the corner of my eye, I saw Johns Hopkins head coach Dave Pietramala come into the room! I'm totally serious, you guys! He was, like, "Stop writing all that nonsense in your lacrosse schedule posts. It doesn't make any sense and has nothing to do with anything."
I was, like, "OK, boss alien man!"
Then he kind of furrowed his brow and was, like, "Good. I'm going to go trim my mullet now."
The next thing I knew I was back in my bed.
Anyway, here's the schedule for tonight:
| AWAY | HOME | TIME | FUN FACTOR | RANK |
| Presbyterian | North Carolina | 7:00 | 2.2782 | 1 (Duh) |
Leave your comments about the game or anything else (QUERY: Do hillbilly aliens talk to their friends about being abducted by humans?) in the comments below.