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Important Marquette Lacrosse News

There was some breaking news about the Eagles over the weekend.

Anthony Gruppuso-US PRESSWIRE

What did you do this past weekend? Enjoy time with family and friends? Do some yard work? Read a book? Whatever you did, it was less impressive than what Marquette did to the human digestive system:

I am in favor of this, not because it was an Easter feast, but because preparing and consuming quantities of foods generally reserved for the elephant pen at the zoo is the height of human achievement. Now, Marquette didn't quite meet the mastication achievements of VMI -- the Keydets once housed 17 pizzas, 250 buffalo wings, and one-and-a-half catering pans of baked ziti in one sitting -- or Bellarmine -- the Knights put down about 100 pounds of barbecue last year -- but this is still some fine work. To the breakdown!

  • I'm ballparking here, but that's around 68 pounds of food. Basically, Marquette ate a third- or fourth-grader. The meatballs were about 14 pounds worth of grub, the ham was -- as told -- around nine pounds, the manicotti (and I really had to guess at the weight) was probably around 38 pounds, and the eggs -- if they were boiled and eaten -- were about seven pounds. I don't know if I could bench 68 pounds, but that's what Marquette ate in food.
  • That meal constituted about 56,499 calories. If your daily caloric intake is around 2,200 and you were trying to finish that entire meal yourself, it would take you around 26 days to finish that meal in a way that the government wouldn't think that you were trying to commit delicious suicide. 26 days! (If 40 of Marquette's players were eating that meal, they'd be ingesting about 1,400 calories each, well below the limit for a physically active -- and knuckleheaded -- young adult.)
  • Interesting fact: One pound of ham gives you 509 percent of the sodium you're supposed to ingest in a day. That's good, right?
  • The ham was the least caloric of the offerings at 7,965 total calories, the meatballs came in second at 9,234 calories, the boiled eggs were third at 15,400 calories, and the manicotti was the reason that people no longer wanted belts to exist at a whopping 23,900 calories.

America rules!