Morrissey Steps Down at Holy Cross

And so it begins.

With about 10 percent of the regular season remaining, Division I lacrosse has already entered its Cavalcade of Head Coaching Changes^TM, a season of hirings, firings, resignations, dismissals, and other rhetorical means to describe (1) folks that are no longer employed at their former places of business, and (2) folks that are newly employed and issued fresh polo shirts emblazoned with school logos. (Technically this started after Ben DeLuca was fired at Cornell and the Red announced that they would engage in a national coaching search at the end of the 2014 season. But that was more of a soft opening than a grand announcement that poo is falling from the sky.) This is . . . something.

Holy Cross is in the market for a new Imperial Lacrosse Dictator after Jim Morrissey -- who took over the program as an interim head coach in 2011 -- stepped down from his post. To the press release!

Holy Cross director of athletics Nathan Pine announced Monday that Jim Morrissey has stepped down as the College's head men's lacrosse coach.

"I have accepted Coach Morrissey's resignation and we wish him well in all of his future endeavors," said Pine. "We will be conducting a national search to find our next head coach, looking for a leader who will bring outstanding credentials, positive leadership and renewed enthusiasm to our program."

Morrissey served as the Crusaders' head coach for four seasons, after taking over as the interim head coach midway through the 2011 campaign. The team posted an overall record of 17-36 during his tenure, including a 4-21 mark against Patriot League foes.

Assistant coach Justin Hager will assume the role of interim head coach for the season finale at Dartmouth on April 29.

Holy Cross will immediately commence a national search for a new head coach.

There is some loaded language in that press release: positive leadership and renewed enthusiasm. Those are strong words, and the implication of those words utilized in the context of a press release announcing the resignation of a former head coach is either (1) calculated or (2) the residue of a communications department and/or athletic director inadvertently employing heavy strains of pathos. Regardless of the underlying purposes of the specific words used in the press release, two things are clear: (1) Holy Cross needs a head coach; and (2) I'm available.

Dear Athletic Director Pine:

This open Internet letter constitutes my formal application for your head men's lacrosse coach vacancy. I feel as if I would be an excellent candidate for this position based on two unique ideas that I have for your program, all developed to take the Crusaders to great new heights:

1. We will play in actual Crusader chainmail and I will coach with a sword. Our enemies will be dispatched -- likely to local hospitals -- as we fight with the glory of Him propelling us to certain victories. We'll call it Pillaging for Praise, and we shall expand the Holy Cross empire to new lands through feats of great massacre (because we're wearing battle gear and everybody else is just wearing silly lacrosse pads).
2. I have seen Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade. On our off days we will crusade for the Holy Grail. I am sure that we will find it, and when we drink from it, we will become invincible and live forever. (We will make sure to drink from the kind of ratty grail that is likely filled with tetanus and not the fancy bejeweled one that looks nicely polished. Drinking from the nice one is a rookie mistake. I totally wouldn't drink from that one because a dead me as your head coach does Holy Cross no good.)

I await your assured acceptance of my offer to coach your team.

Best,

Hoya Suxa