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Reverse Survivor Update: It's Wagner's and Albany's World

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Six; three; two.

That's, in number of teams eligible for honors, the last three weeks of the Reverse Survivor race. This year's chase to determine which team will be the last in Division I register a win -- a Gatorade bath; a sticks-in-the-air celebration; a bus sing-a-long of only the happiest of tunes; etc. -- is down to only a duo, but it has the potential for going to the very end of the season (like 2011). Bad is beautiful, although plastic surgery is more beautiful in the traditional "Holy crap you're not ugly anymore!" sense.

Quinnipiac took itself out of contention for the 2012 Reverse Survivor championship on Saturday with its 12-11 over Binghamton. The conquering heroes -- winless since May 6, 2011 -- were showered with a feast of the finest hot dogs the dining hall could boil during an invitation-only magic show where the entire team was given balloons with their likenesses emblazoned on the inflatable.

Or not. Sometimes the things that exist in my head aren't reality. Oh, well.

Anyway, we're down to two winless teams: Albany (0-7) and Wagner (0-8). The Great Danes will probably pick up a win at some point -- the America East is a dense mixture of "meh" and accidental victory isn't unreasonable -- but after Wagner's 24-4 setback to Hartford on Saturday, the Seahawks are going to have a harder time getting its first win in about 702 (I!!!) days.

Here's the breakdown with zero percent pertinent analysis:

ALBANY
Next Opponent: Binghamton (2-5)
Chance of Victory: Well, Binghamton managed to give Quinnipiac its first win last week, so the chances of victory are probably around 50 percent or so. (That number isn't based in any measure of acceptable math, unless unacceptable math includes "Pulled directly out of my butt.") The Great Danes haven't been demolished by mediocre teams this season, so why can't Albany beat Binghamton? (Don't answer that question.)
Next Reasonable Opportunity for Victory: Binghamton (2-5) on March 31, 2012.

WAGNER
Next Opponent: Robert Morris (5-3)
Chance of Victory: Next question, please.
Next Reasonable Opportunity for Victory: The story remains constant: The best chance for Matt Poskay to buy ice cream for the team is maybe against Manhattan (3-4) on April 3, 2012. If the Seahawks can't get that one, maybe they'll get it against Quinnipiac (0-6) in Hamden, Connecticut, on April 7, 2012. Unfortunately, there won't be a Reverse Survivor Bowl between Wagner and Albany this year, so the title won't be decided on the field between the two teams.