"WE'VE GOT NO COACH! WE'VE GOT NO CONFERENCE! OUR PETS' HEADS ARE FALLING OFF!" -- Hobart, basically— College Crosse (@SexyTimeLax) June 19, 2013
That's pretty much Hobart's situation at the moment (with an assumption made around the school's pets, but it follows logically). Things aren't looking so hot for the little school by the lake known for chucking fish on the playing surface: After a season in which the Statesmen knocked off Syracuse in the Dome, picked up a few more wins compared to 2012, and performed stronger in the overall, Hobart now is without a head coach and is affiliated with a league that is crumbling to pieces and may not exist after the summer barbecue season ends. If weaponized, Hobart's current pathos could wipe out entire civilizations.
Of course, the most pressing issue for the Statesmen right now is addressing the latest who-did-we-anger-to-deserve-this? moment in Hobart's almost comical parade of terrible things happening to them -- the resignation of T.W. Johnson:
After nine seasons serving the Hobart lacrosse program, including the past five as head coach, T.W. Johnson will return to his alma mater to serve as athletic administrator and lacrosse coach. A search for Johnson's replacement will begin immediately with the intention of hiring a new coach this summer.
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Johnson will be the new director of boys' athletics and boys' lacrosse coach at Nansemond-Suffolk Academy in Suffolk, Va., an independent K-12 school from which he graduated.
So, what looked like a quiet (if nonexistent) cavalcade of head coaching changes this summer -- alternatively titled "Ain't Got No Job!" -- suddenly turns into a pursuit with a little excitement. Hobart is an interesting job and it should draw some eyeballs (the construct of the applicant pool is often more interesting than the actual hire). This isn't a glamour job, but it's a good spot with a long history and lots of potential. It'll be interesting to see where the Statesmen go to fill the vacancy, but with the summer recruiting season is in full swing, Hobart is playing from behind a little bit.
Which brings me to this: I am officially making myself eligible for the Hobart head coaching gig. Here's my open-source application:
Dear Sir or Madam:
My name is Hoya Suxa. I write an Internet computing page about Division I men's college lacrosse. I have heard of your school and actually took the LSAT's on your campus way back in 2001. I have zero lacrosse qualifications for this particular position -- I have never run a lacrosse program before; I often shirk my responsibilities so that I can play trivia at the bar; I have no knowledge of strength and conditioning or even conditioning my own hair; I once openly advocated that goalies be replaced with grizzly bears to make the game more enjoyable and gruesome (actually, those two things are arguably one in the same); etc. -- but I sure would like to lead your lacrosse program into the great new wonderful that I have planned for Statesmen lacrosse -- burning the program to the ground and reinventing it as a competitive fishing team.
Think about it.
Hugs and Kisses,