The Weekend in Stick: Flux Capacitor is Fluxing (Part II)

Part I gave you all the big stories from the weekend; Part II is all about the little stories that are notable and adorable in easily digestible form.

ELSEWHERE

Quinnipiac kept its record unblemished with a 12-10 victory over Detroit; apparently someone said something about somebody's mother after the game . . . Maryland continues to scorch earth across the country; Duke looked defensively disinterested for much of the day as the Terps absolutely dominated the Devils, 16-7 . . . The Thompson Trio can't do it all, people; despite another big performance from Lyle Thompson, Yale -- on the back of Conrad Oberbeck -- dropped the Great Danes, 15-8 . . . Bellarmine hung tough in an 8-6 defeat at the hands of Loyola; I'm still not sold that the Greyhounds are one of the best four teams in the country right now, but the Knights may be pretty competitive . . . Binghamton stifled what had been one of the hottest offenses in the country, defeating Hobart, 6-2 . . . Bucknell embarrassed Navy at Christy Mathewson, 11-2; if you explain to me how the Bison struggled with Delaware and lost to The Mount, you win the prize* (*the prize is an Internet pop-up add for a Groupon) . . . Drexel overcame another early deficit and then traded haymakers with Robert Morris to eventually win, 13-12; the Dragons are becoming my favorite thing on Earth that isn't chicken wings . . . Fairfield unloaded on UMBC, 14-9; it's a nice win for the Stags, but it still doesn't make the ass beating they received from Hofstra any clearer . . . Towson celebrated a 13-5 victory over Mount St. Mary's; none of that makes sense given how each team has played this year but makes total sense because this weekend was full of crazy brain worms . . . Army destroyed Michigan, 12-1; you have to have the blackest of hearts to not feel for the Wolverines this season. . . .

MORE ELSEWHERE

Hofstra beat Harvard, 10-5; I'm starting to feel human emotions about the Pride, and opposite human emotions about the Crimson . . . High Point hung around with Jacksonville but couldn't get their second win of its inaugural campaign, losing 9-8 . . . Providence continues to feast on scraps after a 12-9 victory over Manhattan; the Friars could be 5-0 before a date with Georgetown on March 16th (and people will irrationally lose their mind about it if it happens) . . . St. John's continued its proclivity for playing games thisclose after beating Siena in Loudonville, 12-11; if you totally understand the Johnnies this season you are a liar . . . Georgetown and Dartmouth went down to Dallas to dance, the Hoyas earning the 10-9 victory; there is no indication that either team spent any time wildcatin' for black gold . . . St. Joseph's beat Wagner, 10-4; no doink . . . There will be more on this during the week, but Marquette did a single fist pump following its 8-6 victory over Air Force; Joe Amplo should receive a very nice fruit basket for his efforts in Milwaukee . . . Lehigh did amateur dental surgery on VMI, winning 18-2; Matt Poillon did not play . . . Marist continues to win, you guys; the Red Foxes beat Lafayette, 8-5; I'm starting to get the feeling that Marist, with Jack Doherty and Connor Rice, might be the best team in the MAAC . . . Holy Cross is now 2-2 on the year following its 11-9 defeat of Scared Heart; Jim Morrissey is kind of a sorcerer . . . Villanova was back in action this weekend, joining in the charge to pile on Delaware by beating the Blue Hens, 14-9; the Wildcats may be the most dangerous 1-2 team in the country given their close losses to Lehigh and Drexel. . . .

PUMMELING AND PUMMELING AND PUMMELING

Your best individual performances from the weekend:

• Backstop Circus: Kieran Burke (15, North Carolina); Dillon Ward (16, Bellarmine); Max Schefler (15, Binghamton); Peter Zonino (17, Hobart); Nolan Hickey (18, Navy); Jack Murphy (17, Fairfield); Michael Wiatrak (18, Manhattan); Kris Alleyne (16, Rutgers); Jake Haley (17, Georgetown); Zach Oliveri (15, Massachusetts); Nick Gibaldi (22 (!), Wagner); Jake Hyatt (16, Lafayette); A.J. Fiore (15, Cornell); Jon Flood (17, Sacred Heart); and Gerald Logan (24 (!), Michigan). High honors this week go to Fiore for helping make Colgate's offense, bursting with explosive devices, look like a dud of a firecracker.
• "Five-Goal Club and More!": Alex Maini (5, Detroit); Conrad Oberbeck (6, Yale); Robert Church (5, Drexel); T.J. Sanders (5, Penn State); Colin Keegan (5, St. John's); Tommy McKee (5, Air Force); Steve Mock (5, Cornell); Wes Berg (7, Denver); and Garrett Thul (7, Army).
• The Tom Schreiber is Killing Everyone from Everywhere Award: About a half-dozen guys put in a crazypants day, but two stand out the most -- Matt Kavanagh's four-goal, two-assist effort against North Carolina (including the tallies that sent the game to overtime and the extra period winner) and Robert Church's five-goal, two-assist performance against Robert Morris (which once again proved that the Dragons are kind of invincible). (Tom Schreiber went for three goals against Johns Hopkins. He quietly watched you sleep last night.)

Do you have anything else to add from this weekend? The comments, they are yours.