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Smart Retirement Planning: Gamble on College Lacrosse

A 401(k) is a dumb way to save for retirement. Do sound retirement planning through gambling on college lacrosse.

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What does your financial situation look like 20 years from now? If you're shuttling your money into a 401(k), investing in real estate, or allowing Charles Schwab to do something, you're probably going to be on a breadline with other idiots in two decades. This is an incontrovertible fact: Traditional financial planning is only for dogs that eat their own poop; if you want to be a financial titan, you need to dump all of your money into gambling and making room on your compound for a Brinks truck to dump off gigantic sacks of money in your on-site gigantic-sacks-of-money-storage-facility.

If you're worried that you don't have the tools to make this happen, Bloomberg has good news for your future: You're about to be a billionaire, building your fortune on college lacrosse wagering. The morons that will be giving you free money? Bovada, an online sports book that has dipped its toe in the college lacrosse waters.

Online sports book Bovada.lv is taking bets on college lacrosse for the first time.

The move is a rarity in the gambling world. No Las Vegas sports book offers betting on the sport, which is growing in popularity.

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The website currently lists only money-line odds for 10 total men’s and women’s games.

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Bovada, based in Latvia, will limit bets to $100 for now during its lacrosse trial run, which lessens the exposure. For comparison, some Las Vegas books will accept $10,000 wagers for this weekend’s NCAA tournament basketball games.

Here are the available lines through the weekend:

BOVADA COLLEGE LACROSSE LINES (AS OF APRIL 2, 2015)

MONEY LINE
ALBANY +300
SYRACUSE -500
NORTH CAROLINA -120
VIRGINIA -120
VILLANOVA +500
DENVER -800
PENN STATE +1000
MARYLAND -2000
NOTRE DAME -120
DUKE -120
JOHNS HOPKINS -160
OHIO STATE +120

The $100 limit will require a slow burn and money line wagering further complicates your ability to buy a yacht in the next two weeks, but the good news is that you're picking winners regardless of a point spread. Based on what's hanging on the board right now (betting the straight money line), the only picks that stand out as somewhat valuable with halfway decent return and isn't stretching win probability are Ohio State at +120 and Notre Dame at -120. Albany is arguably a bigger 'dog than +300, Villanova at +500 isn't enough value with the team going out to altitude to face Denver, there's no reason to touch Penn State at +1000 even with the potential return, and the rest of the negative figures aren't going to make your wallet explode due to a wad of trillion dollar bills.