Pseudo-Journalism: Super Fantastic Awesome Saturday Updates

There hasn't been a day on the schedule bigger than this one. Things are happening all over the planet, and the lacrosse things -- the best things -- demand your non-stop attention. Tell your bratty kid to go play with oil, rags, and things that produce flames for the next eight hours. Your skull melon needs lots and lots of lacrosse-type stuff. Your medical insurance should cover any issues with the rest.

Updates will roll out through this StoryStream throughout the day -- I'll be at MetLife Stadium this afternoon and will drop little notes as necessary as Saturday progresses -- but until then, keep your eyeballs on the weekend open thread.