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Attention Earth Citizens!: College Lacrosse Schedule for April 16, 2012

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Have you ever tried explaining lacrosse to someone that has never seen the game before? It's pretty tough, right?

  • "Well, these guys need to stay over on this side of the field and these guys need to stay on that side of the field. No, I don't know why they make them do that. It's just the rule, okay? Yeah, I want some popcorn."
  • "Sure, it'd be easier to just pick the ball up and throw it past the goalie but that's kind of the purpose of the sticks. Yeah, I've seen that Gaelic game but that's diff . . . no, you don't understand, it doesn't work like that. Look, whatever."
  • "Well, that's part of the strategy. Yeah, he just runs off the field after the face-off. He's kind of like the designated hitter in baseba . . . Oh, SHUT UP! National League baseball blows! The pitcher is useless! Oh, you're such a freakin' loser. Shut up."

Now, just imagine that situation if you were explaining it to our alien overloads who have colonized the planet for the Earth's rich minerals:

  • "Well, you see, you cradle the ball like this . . . no, you're doing it wrong. No, keep your translucent hand-like things apart a little bit. No, you can't stick the ball to your crosse with that green gunk that's coming out of what I think you head is. No. Jesus. Can I just go back into the fields and work until my hands bleed?"

Anyway, here's the full schedule for tonight:.

APRIL 16, 2012
Yale Stony Brook 7:00 4.2292 1

Leave your comments about the game or anything else (QUERY: Alien overlords with a desire to get some exercise are the worst, right?) in the comments below.