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The Untold Story: Cole Yeager

Cole Yeager is a man of velocity, and don't you forget it.  via <a href=""></a>
Cole Yeager is a man of velocity, and don't you forget it. via

This is obviously a piece of fiction. No doink.

NAME: Cole B. Yeager


ALIAS: Chuck Y. Trickle

CLASS: Junior

POSITION: Midfield



HOMETOWN: Speedsville, USA

MAJOR: Socially Acceptable Daredeviling


Known primarily for his face-off work (64.8 percent from the dot last season, fourth in Division I), Cole Yeager has plans to be more than a master of the dot. You see, being a monster on the draw doesn't carry the same clout as it used to back in the day. There was a time when a face-off guy could win 60 percent of his draws in college, attend some classes, get a degree, and work in face-offs for the rest of his life. The work was good, I tell you! A nice salary to support your family and a big, fat face-off pension when you turned sixty to retire on.

It was easy living in the twilight of your FOGO life. And it felt good!

But Cole knows that isn't in his future. Nope. Yeager has bigger plans for when he graduates from Yale. The way he figures it, he's going to become the first NASCAR Champion/Experimental Test Pilot the world has ever known. It's just in his genes, you see. His father, Cole Trickle (a racing superstar that learned under the tutelage of the no-nonsense Harry Hogge), taught him that life wasn't worth living unless you could drop the hammer.

His mother, Chuck Yeager (modern science is pretty impressive these days, no?), was a pioneer in cheating death. Ol' Chuck once flew a bicycle with cardboard wings over the former Soviet Republic just to give those Communists the feeling of a real life American sonic boom.

You can't get that kind of pedigree out of a child's veins, and Cole is patiently awaiting his six-broken-ribs-and-a-line-of-pretty-girls-waiting-for-him moment.

You keep grinding out there, Cole. Your place in history is patiently waiting for you.