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Hartford Has Been Naughty This Year

Lumps of coal for everyone!

I don't . . . I just . . . if I put bleach in my eyes to clean them I'll still have eyeballs, right?

Let's break this down, I guess.

0:01: I've never been more appreciative of poor lighting in my entire life.

0:04: It's not the sexy Santa hats, it's the mid-riff cut-off shirts. Muscle Beach meets Maria Carey, if you will (or nothing like that at all).

0:18: And I now have a Pavlovian response to "Jingle Bell Rock": Dry heaving and questioning humanity.

0:30: If this goes full monty, I'm quitting the Internet.

0:39: I'm not exactly sure of the choreogrphy here but it can be best described as go-go-dancing-meets-"I'm-on-a-roller-coaster!"

1:02: The Hawkettes! (Dear God: Let this end soon.)

1:37: Once more, but with feeling this time!