You know what the Thanksgiving Day Parade needs more of? Cee Lo Green on a NHL themed float? Done already. We're thinking a lacrosse float!
That's right! College Crosse is smuggling in a special float for the Thanksgiving Day parade tomorrow! It's the most lacrosse-oriented float in the history of the parade, which isn't too hard because it's the only one.
Don't worry about shoddiness, we brought all the goods for this one and no expense was left untouched to provide you with the ultimate float. Here's what we've got in store:
- A float with artificial turf and a restraining box, goal crease, and a net. We've even got a turkey as a goalie and pilgrims as attackmen. It's historically accurate!
- Kids marching with the float with all sorts of D-1 lacrosse pinnies on. Emphasis on New York City area schools. Yes, you too Wagner and Manhattan.
- We need some ambassadors of the sport like the NFL does, right? Good, we've got Rob Pannell, Peter Baum and Will Manny marching. Don't worry, they're not getting paid because we're not looking to make them all ineligible (that would make next season way more boring, in fact). But what you will get is EXPLOSIVE LACROSSE ACTION of sorts.
- If the NCAA still doesn't like that explanation, well, Paul Rabil and a stereo of dubstep music provided by Warrior will be a fine substitution. Dom Starsia and Bill Tierney can tag along, too.
- The College Crosse logo on the front. Duh. Brand recognition's what we're aiming for here.
- A couple mascots we forced athletic departments to use for the parade. You know, for the kids. The Towson Tiger has been deemed too scary for young audiences, so sorry to our Towson faithful for his absence.
- Of course, a float needs a musical performance in this day and age. Unfortunately the Johns Hopkins Pep Band was too busy for the weekend with prior commitments in Baltimore. Instead, we got what every lacrosse fan loves...
JACK JOHNSON! DAVE MATTHEWS BAND!BEN FOLDS FIVE! (Hoya Suxa's orders.) Of course, NBC will probably force us to swap them with that girl who did that "OH OH OH IT'S THANKSGIVING" song, but we'll try as best as we can to ensure you hear Ben Folds and his gang.
So be on the lookout for the College Crosse float during the Thanksgiving Day parade! As long as security doesn't stop us on 42nd Street first.