Have you ever heard of Good Morning
America Football? Yea, neither did I until today. According to Wikipedia it’s a morning show on the NFL Network that premiered in August of last year and airs from 7-10 every day. I guess after two other failed NFL morning shows (R.I.P. NFL AM and NFL HQ) the executives at the NFL Network thought the third time’s a charm and decided to roll the dice once more with a show that no one asked for, or wanted to watch.
Now, I’m all for capitalism. If there’s a market, I say get after it, and go get your money! That’s what America’s all about! This show isn’t my cup of tea (Ed. Note: I’m more of a Good Morning America fan. WHAT UP, ROBIN?!), but there’s plenty of room in this wonderful country of ours for a blatant cable network money-grab. Besides, given the poor ratings this year, a bumbling commissioner, abundance of scientific evidence that football causes brain damage, and declining youth/teen participation rates, who can blame the NFL for trying to grab as much money as it can while the gettin’s still good.
Anyway, I probably could have gone the rest of my life blissfully unaware that a show like Good Morning
America Football ever even existed. That is until I scrolled through my Twitter feed and found this Tweet from our favorite BU hitter, Marisa.
No no no no no no https://t.co/umlaEeYBIE— Marisa Ingemi (@Marisa_Ingemi) January 25, 2017
Obviously I had to click the link and see what was up. But just like deciding to go see a Natalie Portman movie, I instantly regretted my decision. “No no no no no,” indeed.
You’ll be hearing plenty about lacrosse over the next few weeks. Here is @KyleBrandt to get you up to speed. #GMFB https://t.co/w82579lHkt— GMFB (@gmfb) January 25, 2017
(Ed. Note: Before we go any further, if you’re not already aware of it, take a moment to read about lacrosse’s deep connection and long history in Native American culture.)
Alright NFL, come on over here, and let’s rap.
I get it. I understand. You guys are worried that your chokehold on America is loosening. You’re scared about the future and y’all didn’t like all the lacrosse references during the last couple of Patriots games. (Ed. Note: Live look at Roger Goodell.)
I mean I can appreciate what you were trying to do, you wanted to tie Chris Hogan’s big game last Sunday and his college lacrosse career into your little show. However, you do realize most, if not an overwhelming majority of lacrosse players and fans also love football, right? I’m no big city banker *stretches suspenders* but I don’t think lamely insulting a sizable portion of your audience is the best way to make money. Your segment made you look out of touch, petty, and (worst of all) shook. It wasn’t good look, bruv.
Furthermore, just a heads up, no one actually uses the term “Lax Bro” aside from people who don’t actually know anything about lacrosse or Trey Wingo. Trust me, you never want to go full Wingo.
Lax bros everywhere celebrating Hogan's success so far— trey wingo (@wingoz) January 23, 2017
"Lax bros" I bet Trey Wingo also says "That's the bomb" and other current/hip phrases. https://t.co/MBlJevuzCe— College Crosse (@SexyTimeLax) January 23, 2017
Additionally, here’s another pro-tip, if you’re going to go out of your way to blatantly ripoff Brantford Winstonworth, you gotta make it less obvious!
@KyleBrandt If you're gonna go steal something you should probably make it less obvious. https://t.co/U8KU9fm0c7— College Crosse (@SexyTimeLax) January 26, 2017
The Brantford video was a hit because it was actually funny. Your thing, whatever it was supposed to be, had all the charm of a rotting teddy bear at an abandoned carnival. Here’s a good example of funny Lax Bro video.
But at the end of the day, we all know the real purpose of doing a video like the one you did was to get attention, hot takes like this, and Tweets. So, I tip my cap to you guys, you achieved your objective! But given the depths you guys had to go to get me to write about your little show, maybe football being banned in America doesn’t sound like such a bad idea after all.