Cold Weather Medicine: Suxa's Beverage Picks to Stay Warm

We're not condoning overconsumption. We're condoning not freezing to death. Don't be an idiot, especially if you're going to get in a car and pilot it after drinking.

Look: If you're going out to watch lacrosse this weekend, you're probably going to want to murder Earth. The Northeast is going to experience biting, miserable cold this weekend and lacrosse will continue to happen despite the elements. Wearing 50 sweaters and an expedition-to-Antarctica jacket is probably the best move for you to battle the cold, but that may not solve all of your problems. What you need is some medicine to get you through government-issued weather advisories.

That medicine comes from the fine men and women of this country that have dedicated their lives to making delicious alcoholic beverages. Getting some juice into your system will make the unbearable experience of winter lacrosse almost feel like a true spring sport, even if you've dressed yourself in a way that makes going to the bathroom a near impossibility due to wearing your entire wardrobe. Here are some drink suggestions that should get you through 60 minutes or more of unmitigated discomfort.

Bud Light isn't going to do the trick this weekend, friend. You need something with heart and, more importantly, an alcohol content that will get work done. These aren't mechanisms for mass consumption, but they are beautiful moments of glory.

Smuttynose Robust Porter
Beer Advocate Score: 92
ABV: 6.20%

A solid porter from one of New Hampshire's relatively overlooked breweries. It won't shake your tree, but it is definitively excellent and should fit all palettes.

Founder's Breakfast Stout
Beer Advocate Score: 100
ABV: 8.30%

One of my favorites from a beyond capable Michigan brewery, the Founder's Breakfast Stout contains coffee notes with a volume that befits an amazing American stout. If there's a beer to start with, it's this one. The smell alone is worth the purchase price.

Victory Storm King Stout
Beer Advocate Score: 91
ABV: 9.10%

Victory Brewing Company is carving out a place in the Mid-Atlantic as a legitimate threat to the region's hierarchy, and it's not like Victory doesn't already have an enhanced profile among beer dorks. There's hop movement in the Storm King Stout, but it isn't abrasive. The malts here make the beer.

Southern Tier Choklat
Beer Advocate Score: 95
ABV: 10.00%

I have friends that aren't all that high on this offering from Southern Tier, but it's an entire dessert round crammed into a bottle.

Spring House Big Gruesome Peanut Butter Chocolate Stout
Beer Advocate Score: 92
ABV: 8.00%

If you can find it, this will make your brain explode. And if you're going to the hospital it's better to go because your head is no longer a thing rather than for hypothermia.

Want to create a little more combustion in your stomach? The browns may be a move for you.

Blanton's
Type: Kentucky Straight Bourbon Whiskey
Proof: 93

A deep, rich bourbon that always delivers. No need to cut with ice, and considering that it's going to be anti-degrees in a lot of locations this weekend, that's a good thing. Provides a fantastic warmth for a reasonably-priced bourbon.

Jefferson's
Type: Kentucky Straight Bourbon Whiskey
Proof: 92

Vanilla notes embolden this bourbon instead of detracting from it. A softer whiskey, it does not have the dark tones that are concomitant with some better known bourbons. The impact of Jefferson's, though, is greater than its appearance: it exists in its own sphere and hits its marks.

Four Roses Single Barrel
Type: Kentucky Straight Bourbon Whiskey
Proof: 100

Good night, Irene. If you mix this with anything you should be shot out of a cannon into the sun.

Woodford Reserve Double Oaked
Type: Kentucky Straight Bourbon Whiskey
Proof: 90

A twice-barreled bourbon that has a smokiness that shouldn't exist in this universe. It's dark and rich and probably deserves to be served in elementary schools so that children grow up with an adequate appreciation of fine things.