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We're Gonna Need a Montage: Delaware is Strengthening and Conditioning

Blue hens are imaginary but wind sprints are real.

Delaware is a real place that exists and everything. I know this because I wrote about the Hens' 2013 season not too long ago. These are all things.

The Blue Hens are back at it in WherevertheUniversityofDelawareislocated. They've released a video of their first week of conditioning and have taken the clubhouse lead in "People Doing Things in Underpants." Let's break this down.

0:01: Is this recovered video from forces on the ground? Is Delaware hunting Osama, preparing to assault a compound deep in the night? We already got him, guys. There was a movie about it and everything. Chris Pratt is apparently an action star now. Who knew?

0:11: I'm going to assume that the video wasn't doctored and that everyone on Delaware's lacrosse team walks like a marionette.

0:32: My mom does Pilates, too.

1:08: I see no t-shirts tucked into shorts while everyone plays "NFL Combine." This is a plus.

1:20: The role of the comedic and unnecessarily large white stick is important when playing "Jump Real Far." In fact, it's so important there are two. The comedic and unnecessarily large white stick is the anti-Highlander -- there can be more than one. You may think that the large white stick is only for doing the job a small brown ruler could accomplish, but you'd be wrong, college boy. Way, way wrong.

2:02: STRANGER DANGER STRANGER DANGER STRANGER DANGER STRANGER DANGER

2:45: "Then I sported a different technique where you go spandex-only to make you more aerodynamic." The judge leaned back in his chair to ponder the testimony, quiet in reflection and thought. His first instinct was to sentence the accused to "Life in Clothes," but wondered of the impact of recidivism.