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Penn State "Primes the Pump"

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That sounds like a song from Spinal Tap

Penn State is strengthening and conditioning. This is a fact because the above video exists in reality. Let's break it down.

0:05: THIS IS HOW ORANGE IS THE NEW BLACK STARTED! PENN STATE REALLY IS A PRISON!

0:30: Please tell me there are nothing but pissed off Austrians lifting Volkswagens in the "Strength Training Room." Maybe an ol' timey weight lifter with a handlebar mustache that rides off on one of those bicycles with a gigantic front tire?

0:32: Dammit.

0:43: There are lethal levels of shirts-tucked-into-shorts running into the training room. This is a matter of national emergency. If this threat is not quarantined the "Dad Things" festering at Penn State could ruin us all.

1:07: If the Nittany Lions have to compete in a synchronized swimming event in 2015, they'll be ready.

1:15: Is that a song a remix of Sum 41's In Too Deep? Associating a lacrosse program -- no matter how tenuously -- with a Canadian pop-punk band best known for a lead singer than should have been drowned in Lake Ontario simply because of his haircut is grounds for being shot into the cold depths of space.

3:36: Leadership in tucking shirts into shorts starts at the top. Teams really are a reflection of their coach (in terms of fervent "Dad Things").

4:03: The video isn't in slow motion. #B1GSPEED