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Winslow Townson

Bad news, everyone:

I have so many feelings about this! Cue the Lisa Loeb:

The assumption here is that Danowski is going to lacrosse work. But this is John Danowski: Sophisticate. It could be time to get to any kind of work. Here are some possibilities as to what Dino is working on:

  • Danowski is building a scale model of the Long Island Expressway in his backyard, complete with pointless closures, traffic jams, and Lego people screaming obscenities at each other out of their Lego Thunderbirds.
  • Danowski is finally getting around to writing the musical that's been kicking around his noodle: West Side Story 2: West Side Storier. Similar to Rosencrantz and Guildenstern Are Dead, West Side Story 2: West Side Storier follows a minor character from West Side Story -- Officer Krupke -- but sets the musical on the Upper West Side of modern-day Manhattan. Officer Krupke patrols the Upper West Side, making sure elite bratty children are able to scream terrible things at their nannies while Krupke quietly plans to never retire as he can't afford to because he didn't win the sperm lottery like the bratty children he is forced to protect every day.
  • Danowski is building a bourbon-powered flat tax. Trust me. He'll find a way to make it work.