Rutgers didn't have the prettiest 2013: After meandering through much of its schedule, Rutgers showed a spark of life against Syracuse in the Carrier Dome, only to see Brian Brecht suspended for the remainder of the season. The Scarlet Knights finished its campaign with a two-and-blood record, featuring 12 consecutive losses and nary a win after mid-February.
Hopes, however, are high on the banks: Kris Alleyne, the Big East's reigning Goalkeeper of the Year, returns for his sophomore campaign and Brecht -- a man that accelerated Siena past the Saints' MAAC peers -- is entering his third year at Rutgers. The potential for the Scarlet Knights to make the Big East Tournament in 2014 likely hinges -- in large part -- on how Rutgers develops this fall.
To show off all the work that the Knights have been doing in the early portion of their fall program, Rutgers pulled out their fanciest Commodore 64 and made a video featuring the most annoying soundtrack this side of a man incessantly yelling about the price of milk. Let's break this down.
0:01: Graphics courtesy of some guy's six year old nephew. Microsoft Paint is arguably the greatest computer program ever invented.
0:02: Alright! Alright! Alright! Alright! Alright! Alright! Alright! Alright! Alright! Alright! Alright! Alright! Alright! Alright! Alright! Alright! [This constitutes music lyrics that people actually listen to in 2013, making me anticipate the robot apocalypse so that this planet can be erased of the humanity that was lost long ago.]
0:07: Number 53 is apparently carrying Rutgers' Orb of Human Excellence. It beeps and stuff.
0:18: Family is to be announced? What kind of orphanage is Rutgers running?
0:37: Countless programs participated in The Program last fall, an intense regimen of leadership and physical training designed -- from what I can tell -- to come to the precipice of killing people without actually killing them. Rutgers, ever the innovator, is ditching The Program this fall for another high-impact effort: mandatory Zumba.
1:18: I can do exactly zero -- zilch, nada, null set -- of these pull ups. This is partly due to the fact that I am not strong, but mostly due to the fact that I am impressively lazy.