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The Weekend in Stick: Satan is My Motor (Part II)

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"The Weekend in Stick": It's exactly what it sounds like -- a recapitulation of this weekend's most notable. No doink.

Geoff Burke-US PRESSWIRE

Part I gave you all the big stories from the weekend; Part II is all about the little stories that are notable and adorable in easily digestible form.

ELSEWHERE

Michigan continued its march toward depressive perfection in a 12-5 defeat at the hands of Delaware; the Blue Hens now have four wins after a week that also consisted of knocking off Marist in Poughkeepsie . . . Maryland was sluggish in an 11-8 win over Navy; slipping past the Mids isn't the end of the world for the Terps, but it's not the curb-stomping that everyone anticipated . . . Denver did Denver things in a 15-4 recalibration of Marquette's universe; the Golden Eagles scored exactly one goal in each quarter . . . Duke only led by two at the half, but an 8-1 third quarter helped the Devils to a 17-6 win over High Point; Duke squeezed off almost 60 shots, which is a violation of international combat treaties . . . Detroit uncorked a beating on Manhattan, earning a 14-8 victory over the Jaspers; where the hell did that come from? . . . Mount St. Mary's continues to baffle the mind and chill the heart; its 12-8 loss to Quinnipiac this weekend marks the team's fourth loss in a row and second consecutive defeat at the hands of an NEC opponent . . . Air Force jumped out to a 6-3 first half lead over Mercer and didn't look back in a 15-9 defeat of the Bears; Chris Baxa is a bit of a player for Mercer . . . All Bryant does is win these days because its doctor told them that they couldn't consume any more losing because it's full of bad cholesterol; the Bulldogs beat Robert Morris, 15-11, and Bryant has officially found the magic NEC elixir of life. . . .

MORE ELSEWHERE

Siena unloaded on Canisius in a 16-6 defeat of the Griffs; Canisius is driving around erratically at the nitroglycerin plant . . . Ohio State beat Hobart, 10-6; the Buckeyes got balanced scoring across the board and limited Alex Love and Cam Stone to two points combined . . . Holy Cross continues to do the things it’s supposed to do (and this is a good thing!); the Crusaders moved to 6-5 on the year in an 11-10 defeat of Lafayette in Easton; Jim Morrissey continues to be a sorcerer . . . VMI was tied with Jacksonville at the half and then detonated the dynamite vest; Jacksonville's 13-8 defeat of the Keydets adds another layer to VMI's season of complete misery . . . Massachusetts and Towson met in a continuum game and volition was cemented in time; the Tigers' 9-5 defeat of the Minutemen puts Towson in an enviable position in THUNDERDOME! play (3-0) and Massachusetts in epic trouble (0-3) . . . Sacred Heart beat the living piss out of Wagner in a 21-8 shellacking of the Seahawks; it was 13-2 at the half and I'm still not sure how Wagner won a real game this season . . . UMBC hit the power-up button and beat Vermont, 19-6; the America East is the Chinese food restaurant down the block that continually changes ownership . . . Yale futzed around with Dartmouth, scoring three goals in the final period to pull out a 7-5 win over the Green; the Ivy League is a very socially-conscious warzone . . . They don't make Fairfields like they used to; Loyola went all hungry-animal-on-the-loose and smacked the Stags, 13-7; Scott Ratliff lead all scorers with four goals and my eyeballs just exploded. . . .

EVEN MORE ELSEWHERE

Bruno learned a lesson in "Oof!" against Pennsylvania in its 10-3 loss; Brown shot just 10 percent on the day and the schedule is starting to get real for the Bears . . . Virginia is staring at a May filled with reading Ayn Rand rather than playbooks; the Cavaliers succumbed to North Carolina, 10-7, and the darkness is suffocating . . . Binghamton beat Stony Brook in overtime, 14-13; has there been a player that has returned from injury that has had more impact for a team than the Bearcats' Matt Springer? . . . Hofstra yielded a goal to St. Joseph's in the first quarter and then decided that would be just about enough; the Pride's 13-1 defeat of the Hawks was just as gruesome as you'd think . . . Rutgers remained feisty all night but eventually fell to Villanova, 11-9; a 6-4 fourth quarter in favor of the Wildcats was both the difference and WHAT THE HELL A TEN-GOAL FOURTH QUARTER BETWEEN VILLANOVA AND RUTGERS?! . . . Notre Dame beat Providence, 13-8, on the back of four goals from Sean Rogers; Sean Wright remains very tall and probably hangs around beanstalks . . . Eric Law came to the rescue for Denver, scoring the game-winning goal in double overtime to give Denver an 11-10 victory over Bellarmine; the Knights can really play, and may be saving its true beauty for the ECAC Tournament . . . Albany continued its big weekend with a 24-11 smackeroo of Hartford; Lyle Thompson had seven points because he's the good kind of evil. . . .

PUMMELING AND PUMMELING AND PUMMELING

Your best individual performances from the weekend:

  • Backstop Circus: Matt Poillon (15, Lehigh); Pierce Bassett (15, Johns Hopkins); Blaze Riorden (20, Albany); Austin Geisler (15, High Point); Mike Nugent (15, Mercer); Charles Ruppert (15, Robert Morris); Gunnar Waldt (18, Bryant); Harry Krieger (15, Harvard); Peter Zonino (15, Hobart); Matt Lindemann (19, VMI); Peter DeLuca (15, Jacksonville); Andrew Wascavage (20, Towson); Brian Feeney (15, Pennsylvania); Kieran Burke (23, North Carolina); Dustin Keen (15, St. Joseph's); Dillon Ward (20, Bellarmine); Frank Piechota (15, Hartford); and Gerald Logan (15, Michigan). High honors this week go to Riorden for back-stopping like it was the last day of existence (it wasn't). (Also, Lindemann may have this award named after him at the end of the season. I don't think there's a guy in the country that dots this list week-in and week-out more than the Keydets' keeper.)
  • "Five-Goal Club and More!": Just three guys turned the trick this week -- Steve Mock (6, Cornell); Scott Jones (6, UMBC); and Jack Rice (5, Villanova). Where'd all the super-volume scorers go?
  • The Tom Schreiber is Killing Everyone from Everywhere Award: Henry Schoonmaker lost his damn mind in Syracuse's defeat of Princeton in New Jersey. The midfielder accounted for six points on four goals and two assists and was a menace against the Tigers all day. (Tom Schreiber went one-and-three on nine shots. The United States government is considering adding a star to the flag to recognize Schreiber's achievements.)

Do you have anything else to add from this weekend? The comments, they are yours.