Reverse Survivor Update: It's Now a Two-Man Game

Reverse Survivor has reached critical mass: With Sacred Heart's demolition of Mount St. Mary's this week (say what?!), college lacrosse is left with just two schools that have yet to win a regulation game this season -- VMI, 0-9 and spinning out of control while thinking that socks are tools of the government to monitor our movements, and Michigan, 0-10 and full of hope (and probably rage). We're basically at this point in the race, you guys:

Now, this VMI-Michigan battle for the fanciest-honor-that-you'd-like-to-flush-down-the-toilet-and-never-see-again isn't exactly a square deal: VMI is all kinds of terrible, but its remaining four games feature opponents that aren't exactly going to have things built in their honor for changing the face of the American experience; Michigan, contrastingly, is pretty bad but not totally miserable, but the majority of its final five opponents are above the Wolverines' competitive level. So, what will happen here: Will an impressively horrible team with a less-than-stellar schedule outpace a bad-but-not-absolutely-miserable team with a tough slate? Or will the opposite happen?

Intrigue! Drama! This is Reverse Survivor! [smash cut to a man doing that eye roll thing that indicates disgust]

Let's break this down:

VMI (0-9)
Next Opponent: Jacksonville -- April 6th
Chance of Victory: Look: Jacksonville isn't exactly going to storm through the MAAC and then make eyes toward Berlin to topple the Fuhrer. The Dolphins are probably one of the worst dozen teams in the nation, but Jacksonville has one thing working in their favor in their matchup against the Keydets: The Dolphins aren't VMI. It took an overtime effort for Jacksonville to drop Detroit, so the Keydets aren't walking into this thing with one arm already removed, but it would take an effort that VMI hasn't put together all season for the Keydets to enjoy its first Gatorade bath of the year at the Dolphins' expense.
Next Reasonable Opportunity for Victory: Mercer -- April 14th. The Bears are what they are, and VMI may just poison their pregame orange slices to ensure that the Keydets, at a minimum, don't get run over.

Michigan (0-10)
Next Opponent: Delaware -- April 6th
Chance of Victory: Why not? I mean, I've managed to not accidently lose valuable toes throughout the entirety of my existence despite crashing through life as if it were simply a game of GoldenEye and I'd just magically re-appear after blowing myself sky-high while standing in a room that I accidentally/purposefully/forgetfully lined with proximity mines. The Blue Hens are just 2-8 on the season, currently on a four-game losing streak (its second such streak of the year), and look less-than-bonkers in tempo-free metrics. This is a game that Michigan can get if the Wolverines come correct and Delaware still has those icky sleepies in their eyes. I'm not saying that Michigan wins in America's Whatever State this coming weekend, but I also wouldn't take off my pants and sprint down the street in fear and excitement if the Wolverines do drop the Blue Hens.
Next Reasonable Opportunity for Victory: Detroit -- April 17th. This one's for all the one-win lacrosse prizes in Michigan. (Which, incidentally, is nothing.)