College Lacrosse Schedule and Open Thread: March 23 and 24, 2013

I was going to write something fancy and important here, but I have jalapeno poppers on the way and that's really where my head's at right now.

Your five highlights for the weekend are as follows:

• North Carolina at Maryland: "Hey, do you want to hang out and blow some stuff to smithereens?" "Duh!" That's basically the conversation that the Tar Heels and Terrapins had going into today. They piled into a van together, drove up to New Hampshire to buy some fireworks, successfully dodged some state troopers on their way over the border with the contraband, and lined Byrd Stadium with a small country's arsenal of things that go boom. I'm pretty excited for all of this, except for, of course, John Tillman potentially losing a finger despite warnings on the firecracker package.
• Bucknell at Albany: If you told me that I could only watch one lacrosse team this season, it'd be the Great Danes. It's not that Albany is particularly fantastic in the overall -- this is still a team that desperately needs to figure out its defensive problems -- but there isn't a team in the country that can roll three Thompsons out on to the field, allowing them to bamboozle opposing defenses for 60 minutes with a smirk and a wink. The Bison will provide a tough test for Albany's concentrated core of offensive laser cannons, and this could be the day's best game from front to back.
• Pennsylvania at Cornell: This, basically:
  
• Drexel at Hofstra: THUNDERDOME! doesn't care that Hofstra is coming off a mid-week loss to St. John's. THUNDERDOME! doesn't care that the Dragons' defense is basically the Maginot Line but manned by adorable puppies. No, THUNDERDOME! has one care and one care only: Destruction, preferably the kind that has tons of collateral damage. It's going to be a bit of a contrast in strengths at Shuart today, with Drexel unleashing its offense against the Pride's staunch defense. Men with eye patches will wager on the outcome, but in the end there is only one truth: The American Medical Association believes that THUNDERDOME! is bad for a lacrosse team's health.
• Virginia v. Johns Hopkins: It's very simple: Whatever team loses needs to carve the other team's logo into their chest with a rusty kitchen knife. Or the game will partially bury the loser in the race to the NCAA Tournament. It's probably the latter consequence that's real. But, you know, don't rule out kitchen-knife-scar-tattoo. I'm not exactly sure what kind of parameters Inside Lacrosse is putting around the Face-Off Classic, but I'd sure like to see prison rules in effect for this afternoon.

Here's Saturday's full schedule. If there are errors, please let me know. I pulled this information from the Lacrosse Magazine website. I'll populate links to live stats and video as the day progresses.

And here's your Sunday slate:

This is your open thread for the weekend. My nose is full of snots and I'm going to pick out a winner, Bobby. People will be around to yak about whatever is tickling their fancy.

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