John Danowski is Excited About Wearing Ugly Pants

John Danowski: Father, philosopher, wearer of ugly pants:

Now, Danowski didn't tweet a picture of his scorecard. As he is not a dictatorial leader of an Asian country that is best described as "The Democratic Nation of Crazypants Psycho Town," it is probably safe to assume that Danowski did not shoot nine consecutive holes-in-one while murdering tyrannical Americans with just lightning bolts shot from his fingertips. College Crosse, however, has obtained Danowski's scorecard and reprints it below:

HOLE 1: 8! Note to self: Beets are icky!
HOLE 2: 15-ish! Made my caddy take a lap because he was looking at me funny!
HOLE 3: J!
HOLE 4: 6?! L!I!E! L!I!E!
HOLE 5: !!!!!!
HOLE 6: 27! Accidentally hit my ball into a house! Now that's a tough lie!
HOLE 7: [Illegible. Looks like he was trying to diagram a flux capacitor.]
HOLE 8: 10, just like Eli! No golf interceptions, though!
HOLE 9: 7(teen)!