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The Mount St. Mary's Hipsters

I'm hoping the Mountaineers play in skinny jeans this year.

Mount St. Mary's is having a little fun this fall. Taking cues from Williamsburg, Brooklyn for cross-training innovation, the Mountaineers have embarked on sporting pursuits that are equal parts niche and head-shakingly hipster-esque. It's almost like the lacrosse program transferred from Emmitsburg, Maryland via the L train.

I don't even know about this, man. If you play ultimate frisbee, you are required -- by state and ultimate frisbee law -- to spend the six hours following the conclusion of the game protesting something stupid -- like whether dogs should be able to run for and hold political office -- on public property. Ultimate frisbee is one of the few sports that you can play if you're legally dead, placed in the endzone where some guy can throw a frisbee on your cold, decomposing corpse for an ultimate frisbee touchdown. It is a ridiculous pursuit and should be replaced by everything that isn't ultimate frisbee.

Also: This may qualify Mount St. Mary's for the NESCAC.

The following people play handball on purpose:

  • Europeans.
  • Every sixth grader for three days in February during gym class.
  • People that have time on their hands because their record player broke and their homebrew kit can't seem to make Pabst Blue Ribbon the right way.

That's it. That's the list of handball players on Earth.