Yale's Ace-in-the-Hole Recruiting Tool

Were you under the impression that Yale's biggest pitch to recruits was that the university basically confers a B.A. in "Intelligence"? That Elis constitute a shadow government responsible for the nation's economic and political volition? That the Bulldogs are at the height of their lacrosse pursuit, crushing faces throughout the nation? If so, you are not Yale material, college boy:

This is why the Bulldogs are unstoppable on the recruiting trail: New Haven is the best city in the nation for pizza. This is non-negotiable. The city's history of brick oven, thin-crust pies warms the heart of even the most ardent curmudgeon, creating a greasy smile across his face. The Elm City is ground zero for pizza excellence, housing Pepe's, Sally's, Modern Apizza, and Bar -- four of the best restaurants on Earth dedicated to shoving delicious grub down your fat gullet. This is absolute truth, and the rankings back it up:

[T]opping the list is Frank Pepe's, of New Haven, Conn., with its White Clam pizza, made with clams, grated Parmesan, olive oil, garlic, and oregano.

Sally's tomato pie came in seventh and Modern's Italian Bomb finished 11th.

My only gripe with this is the specific pizza rankings. Overall, Modern is the best of New Haven's pizza joints. It gets lost in the wash a little bit because it's not on Wooster Street, but it's the strongest -- in totem -- of the Big Four. In terms of specific pies, Pepe's clam is the pie: Freshly-shucked clams in the white sauce is better than a fresh pair of new socks every single day. Modern's Italian Bomb falls in behind -- there's no pie quite like the Italian Bomb with the sizeable chunks of garlic on the monstrosity -- and Sally's clam (featuring canned clams) pie ranks third (Sally's tomato pie is overrated). Bar's mashed potato pizza -- a freakish attempt at trying to straight-up kill its consumer -- is an honorable mention, only because it exists in reality when it shouldn't.

This is obviously the secret behind Yale's surge toward the top of college lacrosse's hierarchy: The power of pizza.