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College Fall Ball is in Full Swing

By Hoya Suxa

Ah, fall ball. It's a time for getting re-acquainted with campus, discussing how easy/difficult/I need to take classes? one's schedule is, and, most importantly, lifting really heavy things and running really far and going to meetings that make you want to stab the guy sitting next to you because excitement at this time of year is fleeting and a dash of red really spices up the room.

Most programs have started their fall agendas in earnest, although there is a bit of a disparity between where schools are relative to each other given each program's schedule. St. Joseph's and Mount St. Mary's, for instance, are still running through their tryouts (or just finishing them up) while Notre Dame is, seemingly, halfway through their "Arnold Workouts" and on a bus to Philadelphia for May's Championship Weekend. Regardless, things are happening, people -- important things! -- and it's about time to run out some highlights.

Here's a sampling of some tweets that popped through the ol' Twitter machine recently. Incredibly important commentary that may or may not have anything to do with the embedded tweet follows each blast.

Translation Number One: This ain't Duke or Syracuse, duderinos.

Translation Number Two: John Galloway is attempting to establish a new colony, Friartown, as a recognized outpost in the State of Rhode Island and Providence Plantations. This is an arduous task -- as noted in his "uphill battle" qualifier -- partly because Friartown isn't a real place and partly because I think we, as a country, have created all the cities and towns that we'll ever have. It has been over 200 years, after all; I'm not sure we're discovering new places in Lil' Rhody.

Internal monologue of student receiving lecture:

"Wait. You're telling me I can't sell black tar heroin as a side business and still keep my eligibility? What the hell? I thought this was America; land of the free, home of the brave, capitalism and all that jazz. And if I do sell black tar heroin I need to alert the compliance staff? Is everyone here talking crazy? What a bore. I wonder if anyone beat my Temple Run score?"

David Joseph should be commended for winning a lifting championship. I, however, will not be impressed unless he squatted a fully-loaded 1967 Volkswagen Beetle clean. Otherwise it's not a "max squat" in my books. We lift decidedly heavy and ridiculous things around here, son. Everything else is just cardio at Planet Fitness.

I'm a little disappointed that, as it's early-September, Cornell isn't removing snow from Schoellkopf as part of the team's repetitive conditioning training.

This picture, however, is simply beautiful. The only way it would be better is if it was set on a beach in Miami, featured scantily-clad ladies reading College Crosse on portable computing devices rather than a bunch of cats in light equipment going through their stretches, and was actually a portal to another dimension wherein if you stare at it long enough you are physically transported to that place and time. So, yeah, it's a cool picture but it could be a lot cooler.

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