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Rutgers Workout Montage (Sans Neon Legwarmers)

How is this not set to Bon Jovi?

It's official: You're not a Division I lacrosse team if you haven't produced and published a video showing offseason workouts set to music that isn't John Fogerty. This is canonical law. Those that violate this law will be banished to the desert -- or the MCLA or whatever -- for 40 days and 40 nights until they get their hands on some plates and a rights-neutral copy of Long Train Running to show the world that people sweat when doing things.

I really need lacrosse season to start. Like, now.

To the break down!

0:01: Guitar crescendo! It's not a workout montage until a guitar slowly growls at you until it is right in your face and this is going to be so totally freaking awes....

0:10: ....stretching? Well, I'll be damned.

0:15: Doing stairs is cool and everything, but what I really want to see is an entire roster decked out in jean jackets, pulling IROC-Z's until their arms fall off. Jersey!

0:22: "The Birthplace of . . . College Football." More like "The Birthplace of . . . Steps and Steps and Steps and Steps and Steps and Steps and Steps."

0:28: I know I've used this joke before, but, Schlemiel! Schlimazel! Hasenpfeffer Incorporated!

0:37: Pretty cool for Rutgers to somehow build a speed and agility facility inside the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man.

0:52: If that's a trampoline that isn't being used to try and break someone's neck by attempting backflips prohibited by physics, I'll be very disappointed.

1:12: Having flashbacks to fifth grade field day. This isn't good. Nope, not one bit.

1:22: Is it just me, or would it be easier to just carry the plates to the other end of the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man Speed and Agility Traning Center?