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Quint Crushes Iron with Penn State

CrossFit is for the Proletariat.

By Hoya Suxa
Rob Christy-US PRESSWIRE

Could you imagine if Dick Vitale, while on location for a game at Cameron Indoor, decided to pop over to the weight room to dead lift Volkswagens with Duke's basketball team? It doesn't seem all that likely, mostly because Vitale is, like, old and there's no way that he'd have time to get this done, mostly because it doesn't fit in his very structured itinerary:

  • 12:30: Arrive in Durham.
  • 1:00-2:00: Production meeting.
  • 2:00-6:00: Kissing Mike Krzyzewski's rings and spreading flower petals before his throne.
  • 6:00-9:00: Screaming on television.
  • 9:00: Depart Durham.

Quint Kessenich -- college lacrosse's analogue to Vitale -- doesn't have those kind of restrictions. Kessenich is a man of the people, and if those people are 20 years his junior and want to lift heavy things as part of a lifting-heavy-things program, Kessenich will be there to suffer with those in the caste that he treats as his subjects:

Some notes:

  • What are the odds that Kessenich isn't letting out a yell, but rather singing the chorus to the Spice Girls' historically relevant anthem, Spice Up Your Life? Just let it come from your soul, Quint; there's no shame in weight room karaoke.
  • MULTIPLE T-SHIRTS TUCKED INTO SHORTS SIGHTINGS! I REPEAT: MULTIPLE T-SHIRTS TUCKED INOT SHORTS SIGHTINGS! EVERYONE'S MOTHER IS QUITE PLEASED WITH THE LOOK OF THEIR LITTLE GENTLEMEN SWEATING LIKE FOLKS LAYING RAILROAD TRACKS!
  • I'm not exactly sure that flexing for an iPhone photo is the kind of safety spotting that a weight room requires. "What were you doing when I dropped this dumb bell on my foot?!" "I, uh, I . . . just promoting the gun show, baby."

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