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College Lacrosse is for Geniuses (Kinda)

Graduation rates are in and guess what? Lacrosse rules!

Brian Spurlock-US PRESSWIRE

Good news, everyone! College lacrosse is full of a bunch of nerds! So, everyone can now cut their hair and stop wearing flip-flops all over the place; lacrosse is only for bookworms and hiding it is just denying reality.

The NCAA released its annual Graduation Success Report earlier this week and the news couldn't be much better for a sport that is much maligned in the public image for being populated by knuckleheads from coast to coast: In terms of men's sports through the 2002-2005 cohort, only gymnastics, fencing, and skiing surpassed men's lacrosse's 86 percent GSR value. Fantastic! Now if there was only a way to translate this into a case for baseball to receive the death penalty for simply existing.

In the latest period, nine schools -- Brown, Bucknell, Colgate, Dartmouth, Harvard, Johns Hopkins, Princeton, St. Joseph's, and Yale -- all achieved perfect scores. These schools will have a bookmark framed in their honor for their achievement. Using the federal rate as a guideline (72 percent), all but seven schools -- Detroit (50); Stony Brook (52); Robert Morris (56); Sacred Heart (63); Mount St. Mary's (65); Bellarmine (69); and Quinnipiac (69) -- achieved the baseline average. That's not good for the NEC, what with two-thirds of its conference failing to breach the minimum standard. (More on this in a second.) Go do more book learnin', fools!

Which brings us to the question of the day: Which conference is the best at putting rocket scientists and doctors and, like, people that know stuff out into the real world after college? This job requires a list!

  • Ivy League: 97.57
  • Patriot League: 92.14
  • ACC: 91.50
  • Big East: 90.86
  • THUNDERDOME!: 87.57
  • ECAC: 86.71
  • America East: 77.83
  • MAAC: 73.17
  • NEC: 68.00

So, yeah. Duh. The Ivy League is full of a bunch of really smart kids. No doink. As for the NEC: Dudes; as a league the conference is below the federal average. That's . . . that's not good. Read more stuff.