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Colgate's Mike Abbott and Peter Baum Show You Stick Stringing with Smooth Jazz Pumping in the Background

"I swear to God I used to score goals all the time!"

Mike Abbott -- Colgate's offensive coordinator -- and Peter Baum -- Colgate's tactical nuclear weapon -- talk about some of the new stick stringing rules that officially went into force around a week ago. Early returns on the new stringing rules are mixed relative to the policy point underlying the restrictions -- to give defenses more opportunity to actually take the ball away from an offensive player trying to run through 65 defenders while sipping a cup of coffee and doing his taxes -- but Bill Tierney is not mincing words about his appreciation for the new regime:

"Our take here in Denver is, ‘it’s about time.’ We suddenly have most players throwing overhand, accurate passes. We have attackmen and offensive middies learning to dodge with their heads up while protecting their stick, because they know a solid check could dislodge the ball. Shooters with huge bags, looking for velocity only and missing the goal by a mile, instead of working on their accuracy, is veering toward a thing of the past."

Love you, coach!

Anyway, on to cracking wise on the video:

~ 0:03: Do you remember those police procederal dramas that were all over television in the 1970's and early 1980's? I'm not talking specifically about the content of those shows, but the opening credits. This kind of starts like that: "The Streets . . . of Hamilton! A Mike Murphy Production! Starring, Peter Baum! Also starring, Ryan Walsh!"

~ 0:55: "Therefore, illegal." I'm assuming that the college lacrosse police will charge you with "First-Degree Hold" and "Third-Degree Conspiracy to Make Defensive Coordinators Flip Their Stuff" if you still have a "U" in your head. You'll probably end up in lacrosse jail if the charges go through and you don't want that, man. The stuff I've seen in lacrosse jail will stay with you forever.

~ 1:15: So, yeah. It's basically the same stuff. Stop complaining, America.

~ 1:43: T-SHIRT TUCKED INTO SHORTS SIGHTING! I REPEAT: T-SHIRT TUCKED INTO SHORTS SIGHTING!

~ 2:00: Drama. Fin.