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Dude, Presbyterian. You just got here. What's up with the early exit?
Oh, you have other plans. May I ask what? Oh, I see. You just don't want to hang out any more. So I guess I'll see you around.
Oh, really? You're moving away forever? Well, keep on truckin', then.
And scene. . . .
With Presbyterian's 18-9 loss to Air Force on Saturday, the Blue Hose officially finished their five-year experiment with varsity lacrosse. The chaps from South Carolina are hanging 'em up for good, shuttering the program that competed at the full Division I level for only the last three seasons.
In those three years, Presbyterian didn't exactly paint a pretty lacrosse picture. In fact, it was abstract at best, masquerading ugly with miserable: The Blue Hose earned their first victory against Detroit in 2009 and since that time have popped the top on victory beers only three other times (twice in 2011!).
That's . . . well, that's not good. Are you sure you still want to come play with the big boys in 2013, Marquette? What about you, Michigan?
It's kind of sad to see another school foreclose on its program, but the simple fact remains that the Blue Hose were one of the least competitive teams in college lacrosse over the last three years. The numbers prove it out:
| YEAR | METRIC | VALUE | RANKING | AVERAGE |
| 2009 | ||||
| Adjusted Offensive Efficiency | 15.97 | 57 | 25.45 | |
| Adjusted Defensive Efficiency | 30.44 | 46 | 26.79 | |
| Adjusted Efficiency Margin | -14.47 | 56 | -1.34 | |
| 2010 | ||||
| Adjusted Offensive Efficiency | 22.05 | 56 | 28.13 | |
| Adjusted Defensive Efficiency | 37.19 | 59 | 28.93 | |
| Adjusted Efficiency Margin | -15.14 | 58 | -0.80 | |
| 2011 | ||||
| Adjusted Offensive Efficiency | 19.74 | 59 | 28.18 | |
| Adjusted Defensive Efficiency | 34.53 | 57 | 27.90 | |
| Adjusted Efficiency Margin | -14.80 | 57 | 0.28 |
Yeesh. There's something to be said about never being the worst team in the country. There's also something to be said about hanging out in the same locale as the worst team in the country. You are the company that you keep, and the Blue Hose's company were a bunch of toughs up to no good.
Presbyterian's death sentence, as it were, may actually be a blessing in disguise.
So, this is the obituary for Presbyterian. The Blue Hose came, the Blue Hose saw, and the Blue Hose got shellacked but always came back for more punishment. Until they didn't.
Happy trails, Presbyterian. Say hello to N.C. State, Butler, Michigan State, Boston College, et al. for me.