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Rutgers' Strongest Man Competition

This is a big moment for MET-Rx.

I honestly don't know how many World's Strongest Man competitions I've seen. A conservative ballpark is probably north of 100. ESPN used to show the competitions all the time when I was in high school and college, broadcasting important feats of human achievement such as pulling a jet fighter down a runway on an aircraft carrier, squatting a Volkswagen filled with a dozen little people, and throwing kegs of increasing weight over a bar 20 feet above the ground. These were seminal moments in my life, if only because it crystallized the fact that a human could turn into a functioning 300-pound muscle capable of bench pressing a telephone pole 50 times.

Obviously, when I saw that Rutgers held a Strongest Man competition, I just about lost my mind.

Let's break down the Knights' effort in the only way I know how: Grading the competition's events in Magus Ver Magnussons, the greatest World's Strongest Man competitor in the history of Earth. Magnus Ver Magnussons will be awarded based on brute strength, the ridiculousness of the event, and whether Magnus Ver Magnusson would be impressed by the strongman effort.

0:18: Tug o' War -- One Magnus Ver Magnusson. Not a particular bizarre event, but it does involving pulling, which is a hallmark of strongman competitions. I believe that Ver Magnusson could potentially beat a five-person team of Rutgers pullers all by himself, mostly because Ver Magnusson is one part person and two parts impossible-to-beat-death-ray.

0:35: Medicine Ball Toss -- Two Magnus Ver Magnussons. Medicine balls are heavy, and the cross bar on the goal posts are 10-feet off the ground. That's comparable to the height that Ver Magnusson would chuck stuff, but the weight difference is significant. A solid strongman effort.

0:41: Farmer's Walk -- One Magnus Ver Magnusson. They're carrying dumbbells, not comedically large anvils that have a place in Wile E. Coyote cartoons.

0:53: Strongman's Buffet -- 1/2 Magnus Ver Magnussons. I'm pretty sure that Ver Magnusson would laugh at this event, probably because he eats -- as part of his balanced superhuman diet -- dumbbells, plates, and barbell presses.

1:06: Tire Flip -- 1/2 Magnus Ver Magnussons. Flip over a tractor trailer, not a tractor trailer tire.

1:27: The Strength and Conditioning Coach -- Four Magnus Ver Magnussons. Is there anything more strongman than a cat in a sweatshirt, running pants, and a beard-but-no-hair-on-top-of-his-head? No, there isn't. That is peak strongman.