clock menu more-arrow no yes mobile

Filed under:

Notre Dame Lacrosse Channels Their Inner Gipper

Football? On a lacrosse field? That's crossing the streams!

Notre Dame is back on the lacrosse field, but they've replaced their lacrosse balls with footballs and this all makes sense because reasons. The Irish call this "The O'Leary Cup," which presumably doesn't offer the winning team a bogus resume filled with inaccuracies to secure a job in collegiate gridiron coaching.

Let's break this down:

0:08: If the video is opening with a Grantland Rice quote, the rest of this breakdown must be -- by law -- in the purplest prose possible. A breakdown that evokes the soul of a man tested in times of depression, evoking the human struggle against the cold reality of societal necessities. A lion atop the mountain, its mane shimmering in the breeze as it quietly reflects on its station in life. There were no poopy pants.

0:11: They call it "razzle dazzle," a kind of dance that aligns the planets in a form that makes astronomers value the spark of life. It also looks like a car exploding while driving through a nitroglycerin factory.

0:14: Team GangGreen took the field like wildmen in the Amazon, an untethered mass of men with the freedom of self-reliance and hope. Their heritage is one of long refrain, born of what many call "The New York Football Jets" and a genetic composition medical professionals from the uninhabited territories define as "icky."

0:19: The Old Navy steamed through the passage, liberators and conquerors all at once, attired in only the finest five-dollar t-shirt that disintegrates in the wash as if it were made of tissue. They were led by celebrities of yore, villains and hero each in their black or white hats, but not any Baldwin brothers because they are condescending jerkwads.

0:34: The pass was incomplete, because the football pass was thrown on a lacrosse field and such is the nature of duality.

0:50: The young gunner, Nick Ossello, heir to the Ossello toothbrush fortune and a young man full of vigor and grace, heaved a six-pointer to the corner of the end zone where his manna from above was bountifully received. He also celebrated with the appropriate dazzle and was subsequently stoned in the square after services.

1:03: The final score would read 14-7, a win for The Old Navy, after an abortion of a pass that neither cut through the sky like an arrow for the mark or a bottle of Schlitz being heaved from a third-floor balcony while dancing to hedonistic jazz music.