Danowski Does New York

Kirby Lee-USA TODAY Sports

The Duke head coach headed to the best city in the world and had an adventure.

Duke head coach John Danowski was in New York City recently for . . . something. It doesn't really matter what Danowski was in town for; it only matters that Dino -- the most interesting thing in college lacrosse, and that includes the cyborg midfielder that MIT is developing on Harvard's dime -- was in the greatest city in the world having an adventure. Like most adventures, Danowski's time in New York was filled with ups, downs, and sideways things that only Danowski can seemingly experience. As told through his immaculate Twitter account, here's Danowski's trip to the big city:

How do you forget what Italian food tastes like? It's, like, always been tomato and garlic things with pasta stuff, served to you by someone that refuses to let you stop eating until you ask that a paramedic be sent with the check to pump your stomach. This is Italian food; it hasn't changed since short Italian people were shuffling through Ellis Island a hundred years ago. Which begs the question: What the hell kind of Italian food is North Carolina serving up? Hint: If your Italian food is chicken wings, you aren't eating Italian food.

Lots of things are often lost in New York cabs: Wallets, telephones, actual people. The vast majority are never returned, including kidnapped people. Danowski is a sorcerer to have his phone returned. His command of the dark arts is unsettling.

I can see Danowski standing back from Three Musicians at MoMA, his right hand rubbing his chin as he contemplates Picasso's masterpiece: ". . . so, the guy with the guitar represents Keith Richards if he was put through a meat grinder, right? And the guy on the left is our inner soul, but only if our soul tried to play the clarinet through its nose, right? And the guy the right is a jerk because he tore that music in half, right? Art! Now, take me immediately to the exhibit on real Italian food!"

Ah, yes. LaGuardia Airport, named after the God of Ruining Everything: LaGuardiamis.

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