Syracuse's Kevin Donahue Explains the Orange's New iPads

Jim O'Connor-US PRESSWIRE

These things are going to be very useful.

From the voice of Syracuse lacrosse, Brian Higgins:

Owly Images

"So, you see, we take all that video and can send it to your iPads and you can watch the tape."

"But do all the players look like angry birds?"

"No, they look like lacrosse players. Your iPad is for watching tape and plays. John Greeley won't look like an angry bird."

"But what if it was an angry bird with a knee brace?"

"No, you're not understanding. The iPad is to look at plays, not to play with."

"But what if . . . "

"No, we didn't load Temple Run on these as a way to show you how to alley dodge."

"Alright, I get it. The iPad demonstrates plays. But they're not going to let us use those on the sideline to control the robot lacrosse players that took our jobs. There's no way. I've seen the new rules; there was nothing in there about using iPads to control robot lacrosse players. I don't think this is a good idea."

"No, you're just . . . "

"I know that Syracuse is on the cutting edge and everything, but if we're going to use iPads to make plays happen from robot lacrosse players that don't have emotions and eat human opponents, I don't see why I need to keep showing up for lift in the morning."

"It's for coaching purposes. Are you even listening?"

"Yes, I know. Coaching robot lacrosse players. Technology really is crazy, man. All the plays are on there, you just press a button and the robot lacrosse players dressed as angry birds beat Hopkins. Simple. I get it."

"No, you're not paying attention."

"Yes, I am paying attention. I look at these plays, I press some buttons, robot lacrosse players incinerate our enemies, and then I use the Twitter app to let the coaches know what happened (and also to take a picture of me using my iPad to control the robot lacrosse players while they use their lacrosse sticks as spears and ram them through the eyes of our opponents)."

"I really wish this iPad had a concussion app. Are you feeling okay?"

"Never felt better coach. This is going to be the best season ever."

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