It's Like I Don't Even Know You Anymore, John Danowski

You sucked me into your wonderful, John Danowski. First it was your razor-sharp focus ahead of playing Colgate in the NCAA Tournament, using Slap Shot as a metaphor for lacrosse preparation or something. (Probably not.) Next, you stole my heart with your love of REO Speedwagon's "Roll With the Changes," presumably pumping it as you cruised down the Northern State Parkway in a 1984 Pontiac Firebird.

Then it all kind of went sideways when this happened:

Danowskistephena_medium

Click to make your face explode.

I just don't know whether I can obsessively sanctify a man that voluntarily follows professional bullhorn Stephen A. Smith on Twitter. Which begs an important question: Is John Danowski currently held at gunpoint in Stephen A. Smith's basement receiving an invective from America's foremost amplifier of garbage?

"You WILL follow me on Twitter, Jooooooohn Danowski! I don't even know who you are, Jooooooohn Danowski, but you WILL follow me on Twitter, my friend! WHY DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THAT, JOOOOOOOHN DANOWSKI?! All you have to do is click the button, Joooooohn Danowski. CLICK THE BUTTON SO THAT I CAN'T EAT SOME CHEEZ DOODLES, DANOWSKI! PHIL JACKSON DIDN'T GIVE ME THIS MUCH GRUFF! I'M STEPHEN A. SMITH!"

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