A Few More Human Portraits: Lehigh's Ferraro and Lawrence

Mar 18, 2012; Greensboro, NC, USA; Lehigh Mountain Hawks mascot performs during the second half. The Bluejays defeated the Mountain Hawks 70-58 in the third round of the 2012 NCAA men's basketball tournament at Greensboro Coliseum. Mandatory Credit: Bob Donnan-US PRESSWIRE

Part I
Part II
Part III

Here's a little background on what's going on here:

  • Lehigh put together a little questionnaire for its lacrosse team to fill out. The school then appended the responses to each player's biographical profile on the team's website.
  • 18-22 year-olds tend to yield response results that make you scratch your head and wonder whether whether we, as a country, should require 18-22 year-olds to play with unstable things that explode.
  • I'm sure that all these gentlemen will grow into fine young scholars and citizens. I know this because I didn't and the law of averages is a thing.

Lehigh updated a bunch of profiles since the last installment of this nonsense. Selected responses -- with vitally important addendums from me -- follow immediately below.

CODY FERRARO, ATTACK

Dream Job: Country music star/professional hunter

I don't read this as Ferraro wanting to be a country music star or a professional hunter. I read this as Ferraro wanting to be a country music star and professional hunter. It really is the noblest of all dual professions when you think about it, owning an instrument with the body of a banjo and the neck being the barrel of a shotgun:

"Let's tune up, boys! I'll play a 'C' so that you all can get the pitch. *BLAMMO!* Dammit, I just killed Ted. The 'C' string is the trigger. I should've known that. My bad. Even professionals make mistakes sometimes. I shouldn't have brought my hunting banjo. I'm such a blockhead. Alrighty, the first song tonight is, My Kids Stole My Budweiser and My Best Deer Head Was Stolen From My Ranch. Lot of sentimental value in that one and you might die because it's in the key of 'C.' Don't worry though, boys. I'm a pro. A-one and a-two and-a you know what to do. . . ."

Has anyone ever graced the cover of Outdoor USA and Country Weekly at the same time? I reckon Ferraro offing his bassist with a hunting banjo would just about accomplish that task. Lehigh: Building deadly trailblazers in various industries that should never be combined since 1865.TM

SAM LAWRENCE, MIDFIELD

Talent I'd Most Like to Have: Read minds

I know what you mean, man. Sometimes when I'm pitching a prospect for work I'm, like, "Why did that guy stab me with his pen? I didn't even know it was his daughter, man!"

This response, though, does raise an interesting issue relative to Lehigh lacrosse: Is Kevin Cassese, basically, Professor Xavier, pulling together a freak show of justice/wanton destruction? We have Sam Lawrence that wants to know that you're thinking about what your body would look like if it had alligator arms and your head was actually replaced with a watermelon allowing you to shoot seeds out of your "mouth." Then there's midfielder Tom Farrell who wants the power of teleportation. I'm not sure that I'm comfortable watching mutant lacrosse. It's just not my thing.

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