Eulogizing the 2012 College Lacrosse Season: (61) Wagner

You spent the better part of four months meticulously dissecting the 2012 college lacrosse season. You shouldn't stop now because cold turkey is a bad way to go through life, man. College Crosse is providing decompression snapshots of all 61 teams and their 2012 campaigns, mostly because everything needs a proper burial.

I. VITAL SIGNS

Team: Wagner Seahawks

2012 Record: 1-13 (1-4, NEC)

2012 Strength of Schedule (Efficiency Margin): -5.79 (61)

2011 Strength of Schedule (Efficiency Margin): -0.26 (31)

Winning Percentage Change from 2011: +7.14% (!!!!)

2012 Efficiency Margin: -26.00 (61)

Efficiency Margin Change from 2011: -7.62

II. "ATTA BOY!" FACT

  • When you snap a 721-day losing streak with an 11-8 victory against Sacred Heart, that gets put in the gold star column (which gets free a free spring roll with any combination order). There aren't too many things that went right for the Seahawks this year, but the team managed to win its first game since April 24, 2010, which may just be the happiest fact that is written about the 2012 college lacrosse season. So, look past the fact that Wagner was probably one of the worst three teams in college lacrosse this season; that big, fat number in the in the left side of the team's record is proof that even the exotically miserable deserve a break every once in a while.

III. "YOU'RE GROUNDED UNTIL YOU QUALIFY FOR THE AARP!" FACT

  • Outside of the fact that Wagner actually won a college lacrosse game that didn't end with the opponent walking off the field due to an isolated smallpox outbreak that only affected their team, the Seahawks were deadbeat miserable in 2012. To isolate one fact about Wagner's season and say that it's the reason they went 1-13 would be filthy and unfair. However, this fact sticks out as especially disastrous: Despite playing in the man-up more than any other team in the country in 2012, Wagner clicked on only about 18 percent of their attempts (second worst in the country). And, despite the fact that the Seahawks were drunk with the extra attacker, Wagner actually relied on the personnel imbalance to score as much as an average Division I team.That's bad. In fact, that's the kind of bad that causes people to give up, move, and erase all records of prior existence. Matt Poskay has his work cut out for him on Staten Island, and "foot marksmanship" should probably be a priority.

IV. MR. FIX-IT HAS A ONE-FIX ENGAGEMENT, AND IT'S . . .

  • Everything. This fact is non-negotiable. It's not like Wagner is deficient in one area of the game (offense, defense, or specials); it's bad everywhere and the team needs a serious rehabilitation. I really don't know where you start to try and fix this thing other coating everything in magic fairy dust and hoping for the best. Wagner may or may not be the hardest job in America, but it's certainly one of the hardest fixes out there right now.

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