What if Paul Finebaum did a Lacrosse Radio Show: Final FOAAWWW PAWWWWWLLL Edition

(If you didn't read the original version of this, read it so you know what the hell's going on)

/Bush's "Machinehead" blasts out

Lacrosse Magazine named him a 3-time "Lacrosse Radio Host of the Year."

Duke Head Coach John Danowski says he's "The most recognizable name in Mid-Atlantic college athletic media."

Mike Francesa would have him on his show if it weren't for Rangers-Devils and the Yankees this weekend.

He single-handedly caused the Cornell Daily Sun to declare war on The Princetonian and The Daily Orange during the 2009 NCAA Tournament.

Broadcasting throughout the lacrosse hotbeds of the Mid-Atlantic and Northeast.

This . . . is the Paul Finebaum Radio Network!

Welcome to today's show. We're counting down to the big weekend in Foxborough but if yesterday's show was any indication we're still recovering from the fallout from Hopkins-Maryland. Later on in the show we'll have our weekly talk with ESPN and SNY's Eamon McAnaney to give a preview for this weekend, but as always we'll start with your phone calls.

First up is one of our favorites, Sally from Chevy Chase. Sally?

HEY PAWWWWWWLLLLLL WHAT HAVE I SAID ALL SEASON ABOUT THE BLUE JAYS? THEY AIN'T NOTHIN' BUT A BUNCH OF CLOWNFRAUDS AND MY TERPS ARE GOING BACK TO CHAMPIONSHIP WEEKEND. THEY DIDN'T LISTEN TO ME WHEN I SAID WE WERE GONNA BEAT THEM BEFORE THE SEASON BEGAN, THEN THEY PUT ASIDE OUR ACCOMPLISHMENTS WHEN WE BEAT THEM, THEN THEY DISMISSED THAT NAVY LOSS AS A FLUKE, AND THEN THEY FIGURED THEY COULD BEAT US IN A REMATCH. AND GUESS WHAT, PAWWWWWWWWLLLLLLLL? THE TERPS ARE PLAYING IN FOXBOROUGH AND THE JAYS ARE NOT! AND WE'RE GONNA PROVE WE'RE THE KINGS OF THE ACC THIS SATURDAY WHEN WE BEAT DUKE AND THEN BEAT WHOEVER WE PLAY NEXT. BUT I HAVE ONE THING ELSE ON MY MIND, PAWWWWWWWWWLLLLLLLLL

And that is...

I'M SICK OF ALL THESE HATERS TALKING ABOUT HOW BORING OUR TERPS ARE! WELL I'M SICK AND TIRED OF IT AND YA'LL HATE US CAUSE YOU AIN'T US. LIKE IF YOU'RE A VIRGINIA OR UNC OR HOPKINS FAN, LOOK WHERE YOUR TEAM IS AND THEN LOOK AT OURS. THAT'S RIGHT B***HES!

Well it is a valid argument that Maryland's stalling too much an....

OKAY, THEN WHERE WERE YOU ALL THESE YEARS WHEN YOUR LOVERBOY PIETRAMALA WAS DOING IT?!? WHERE WERE YOU ALL THOSE YEARS PRINCETON SLOWED THE GAME DOWN TO WIN THOSE TITLES?!? STOP SHOWING YOUR HOPKINS BIAS ONCE IN A WHILE AND SEE THAT THE TERPS ARE JUST PLAYING BETTER LACROSSE THAN YOUR LOSE-JAYS!

Next we go to Greg in Pasadena, you're on.

Hey PAWWWWLLLLLLL first time caller, long time listener. First off it's nice seeing two Maryland teams in the final four, even though the right team's not in it. I was thinking though, the Jays haven't been to championship weekend since 2008. What do you think needs to be changed?

Well Greg, Pietramala has done a good job of coaching in the regular season so it's not like Hopkins has been doing bad, especially the past two years after the 2010 hiccup. I do think that the postseason has becoming more competitive and it's harder to win games and when you don't bring your A-Game things aren't going to go as well.

Oh, well, I was thinking about how about we stop this expansion of the game. I mean, Michigan? Teams like Lehigh getting into the tournament? What is this nonsense I say we cap lacrosse at 50 teams and have them only from states that border the Atlantic Ocean or are thought of as the east and slash the tournament down to 8 teams. Hopkins should also get an auto-bid if they finish with less than five losses because of how good our strength of schedule is. I mean, do people want to see the final four without Hopkins or UVA or Cuse? NO! Go back to the way it is and for that matter get rid of all these rule changes too. I'mma hang up and lissen.

Umm, that may have been the worst idea I've heard on this show in quite a long time. We got a special caller from North Brunswick, New Jersey right now, a 14-year old lacrosse player named Holly who's looking to become a star in the women's lacrosse world in the future. Holly, how are you?

GOOD PAWWWWWLLLL! ANYWAY, I WAS LIKE WATCHING THAT MARYLAND GAME THE OTHER DAY. THEY ARE SOOOOOOOOOO BORING! I WANNA SEE, LIKE, GOALS AND STUFF. BY THE END OF THE THIRD QUARTER I JUST DECIDED TO HIT UP THE MALL WITH MY FRAANDS. I JUST WANTED TO, YOU KNOW, LIKE, GET THAT OUT BECAUSE I KNOW THERE'S LITERALLY A LOT OF PEOPLE FROM LIKE MARYLAND ON YOUR SHOW. ANYWAY, I WANTED TO TALK SOME WOMEN'S LACROSSE WITH YOU

Sure thing, they've got a great weekend coming up on Long Island and I'm sure they'll put on a good show.

WELL LIKE, IF MARYLAND'S JUST LIKE THEIR MEN'S TEAM THEY'RE GONNA BE SOOOO BORING SO I HOPE NORTHWESTERN WINS THAT. UMM, I LIKE FLORIDA'S WEATHER AND MY DAD SAYS SYRACUSE'S COACH WAS AMAZING TO WATCH BACK IN THE DAY SO EITHER TEAM CAN WIN THAT. JUST NOT MARYLAND PLEASE, CAUSE GOD THEY'RE BORING TO WATCH.

You know that women's lacrosse has no bearing on what the men's team does, right?

OH MY GOD YOU JUST DON'T UNDERSTAND WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT I MEAN MARYLAND'S JUST BORING-VILLE. MY TEAM WENT TO ONE OF THEIR GAMES BUT LIKE I DIDN'T GO BECAUSE THEIR GUYS ARE SOOOO BORING SO THAT MEANS THEIR GIRLS ARE TOO.

Alright, well, best of luck with your lacrosse career, Holly

THANKS, LOVE YA PAWWWWWLLLLL

Well, that was interesting, let's go to Jeff in Fayetteville, New York.

HEY PAWWWWWWWLLLLLL. You know, I just recently read an article on College Crosse (SHAMELESS SELF PROMOTION INSIDE A JOKE ARTICLE) about how Syracuse landed only one All-American recruit. My god, has our program fallen that far down? WE SHOULD BE GETTING THE BEST OF THE BEST PAWWWWLLLLL AND EITHER IT'S BIASED TOWARDS EVERYONE IN MARYLAND LIKE THE REST OF THE LACROSSE WORLD NOT GIVING ANY RESPECT TO CENTRAL NEW YORK OR IT'S TIME WE CHANGE THINGS AROUND HERE FOR THE ORANGEMEN

Don't tell me you're thinking about...

THAT'S RIGHT PAWWWWWLLLLLLLL, WE NEED TO FIRE JOHN DESKO AND BRING IN A FRESH REGIME SO WE CAN GET THE KIDS WE WANT AND YOU KNOW FINALLY MAKE A FINAL FOUR AGAIN. YOU KNOW HOW HAAARD IT IS TO SIT AT HOME MEMORIAL DAY WEEKEND AND NOT HAVE ANYTHING TO WATCH PAAWWWWWWLLLLLL? YOU KNOW WHAT, CORTLAND'S IN THE D-3 CHAMPIONSHIP AGAIN. I THINK WE SHOULD GET THEIR COACH TO GO TO SYRACUSE. IT'S ONLY A HALF HOUR AWAY AND THEY'VE HAD A GOOD TRACK RECORD OF COACHES GOING TO D-1

Yeah in the 1970's...

PAWWWWWLLLLLLLL DON'T DISRESPECT ME I'VE HAD ENOUGH OUT OF YOU I'M GONNA GO BOTHER BRENT AXE FOR THE NEXT 3 WEEKS INSTEAD SO MAYBE YOU'LL HAVE A CLEAR HEAD OF WHY ALL OF US IN DEWITT AND BALDWINSVILLE AND FAYETTEVILLE, YOU KNOW, WHERE THE REAL SYRACUSE FANS LIVE, WANT DESKO GONE

We got one last caller, Harvey in Baltimore?

Hey PAWWWWWLLLLLL, I got something I have to admit.

Ok....

You know all those flowers and trees on the Maryland-College Park campus?

Yeah.

Well, I was so disappointed in Hopkins getting embarrassed by those classless Terps who didn't stop pouring it on, so you know what I did?

Hey now, I mean I'm no fan of how the Terps played but they didn't pour it on and I ho...

Well PAWWWWWWWLLLLLLLL, I poisoned a couple of them.

You...... what?

That's right I poisoned some of those beautiful trees and flowers on Maryland's campus.I know what I did was wrong but I just wasn't thinking straight on Saturday and I figured with graduation ceremonies going on nobody would catch me.

Umm....... Well, I wish you had reconsidered but I guess what's done is done. We're going to have a commercial break but when we come back I'll talk a bit about how remarkable Loyola's season really is. This program's brought to you buy Lacrosse Unlimited, where you can get all your lacrosse needs. We'll be right back on the Paul Finebaum Radio Network.

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