The Most Cinematic Episode Yet!: College Lacrosse Schedule for April 5, 2012

Apr 1, 2012; East Rutherford, NJ, USA; John Hopkins Blue Jays defender Tucker Durkin (51) during the third quarter against the North Carolina Tar Heels at the Big City Classic at MetLife Stadium. North Carolina Tar Heels defeat the John Hopkins Blue Jays 13-9. Mandatory Credit: Jim O'Connor-US PRESSWIRE

The camera, in a tight shot on the "H" at the center of Homewood Field, slowly pans out.

NARRATOR
525 All Americans. 180 first-team All Americans. 65 National Lacrose Hall of Fame members. 44 national titles. An unmatched 40 consecutive NCAA Tournament appearances. 21 Championship Weekend appearances. 18 Championship game appearances. 12 undefeated seasons. Two trips to the Olympics as the United States' representative.

The camera, now high above Baltimore, smash-zooms down to a guy across the street in a Maryland Terrapins t-shirt hunched over a dynamite plunger.

NARRATOR
One giant pain in the ass.

Cue explosion. Slow motion shots of pieces of Homewood Field falling from the sky as the mushroom cloud billows upward toward the sky. Cut to explosionist in Maryland Terrapins t-shirt as he does that sinister "Muhawawawawawa!" laugh.

NARRATOR
Coming April 14th.

Yeah, so. Johns Hopkins is hosting Albany tonight. It's going to be a blood bath.

APRIL 5, 2012
AWAY HOME TIME FUN FACTOR RANK
Albany Johns Hopkins 7:00 3.3458 1

Leave your comments about the game or anything else (QUERY: How much would you pay for Michael Bay to be the game day entertainment coordinator at Johns Hopkins?) in the comments below.

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