Reverse Survivor Update: Wagner Believes in Habeas Corpus

via cdn0.sbnation.com

The 2012 Reverse Survivor Champion has been crowned -- it's Wagner (again) -- but we'll keep tracking the Seahawks progress toward their first win since April 24, 2010, because no soldiers are to be left on the battlefield, wounded, without attention.

It's been somewhere around 716 days since Wagner's last victory. That's heartbreaking in and of itself -- worse than coal in your stocking on Christmas; worse than Jeffrey Dahmer as your culinary partner for the weekend -- but the really frightening thing is that the Seahawks may be staring at a 1,000-day losing streak stretching into 2013 if Matt Poskay can't put on his magician's hat and cast a victory spell -- "Winning-ah, now-ah, please-ah, abracadabra!" -- over his team for its final three games.

Poskay, obviously, stepped into a tough situation. Wagner isn't the toughest job in America, but there's such a history of difficult campaigns that the first-year head coach is going to have his work cut out for him to get the Seahawks out of Reverse Survivor contention on a year-in and year-out basis. The numbers over the last three seasons don't lie:

WAGNER: PLEASE SEND HELP
METRIC 2010 2011 2012
Adj. Offensive Efficiency 19.82 (58) 21.58 (55) 19.63 (60)
Adj. Defensive Efficiency 38.88 (60) 39.96 (61) 46.17 (61)
Adj. Efficiency Margin -19.06 (60) -18.38 (60) -26.54 (61)
Strength of Schedule -1.06 (42) -0.28 (31) -5.33 (61)

The culture needs to change at Wagner -- as well as the talent level -- and, hopefully, Poskay finds the magic forumla. Here's a rundown of the Seahawks remaining 2012 games:

Next Opponent: Sacred Heart (3-7) -- April 14, 2012
Chance of Victory: There's a better chance that unicorn meat is declared Grade-A beef by the USDA than Wagner knocking off the Pioneers on Saturday. Quinnipiac thumped the Seahawks to the tune of a 15-5 drubbing this past weekend, and while Sacred Heart is only ranked six spots higher than the Bobcats in the efficiency ratings (47th nationally), the Pioneers aren't a complete bag of ass.

Future Opponent: Bryant (9-2) -- April 22, 2012
Chance of Victory: Next question, please.

I mean, seriously: Do you have any idea what Mike Pressler's offense is going to do to Wagner's defense? The Seahawks yielded 20 -- 20 (!!!!) -- goals to Manhattan last week and the Jaspers' offense is one of the five worst in all of Division I. This is going to be an ugly scene, akin to meeting your pre-arranged wife that your mother says that you'll eventually come to love.

Future Opponent: Mount St. Mary's (3-6) -- April 28, 2012
Chance of Victory: Similar to that of knocking off Sacred Heart: There's a better chance that the American Association of Poison Control Centers de-lists gasoline as a toxin and this country goes on a short-lived gasoline drinking binge. The Mountaineers aren't all that hot, but again, they are currently ranked 22nd nationally in adjusted offensive efficiency, and that unit should gnaw through Wagner's brain until there's nothing left but a rotting carcass.

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