College Lacrosse Weekend Internet Talking Interface: March 17, 2012

via lh5.ggpht.com

Do you see that picture up there? Yes? That's an image of an angry hippo. It's the last thing that you see before deciding that your African safari vacation was probably the worst idea you've had since making mayonnaise-and-peanut butter sandwiches.

There are 26 games today, boys and girls. Twenty. Six. That's . . . a lot, even for a mid-March college lacrosse Saturday. Over 85 percent of Division I is in action somewhere around the country, and it's all going head-to-head with the NCAA basketball tournament. (Which, incidentally, is one of the worst ideas ever.) Regardless, you'll watch, I'll write things on the Internet through my Internet computing machines, and we'll all have a big laugh over this in May when I tell you that I did it all without pants on.

Your six highlights for today include:

  • Yale at Cornell: Every game in the Ivy League is supero importanto (my Spanish stinks) when only four teams head to the conference tournament. Yale is looking for some heat after a two-game losing streak, but looking for it against a Big Red team that rodeoed with Virginia last week might not be the best place to start.
  • Villanova at Maryland: The Wildcats still haven't beaten a school that isn't located in Pennsylvania. Maryland isn't located in Pennsylvania. (I think.) Villanova has no chance. (Maybe.)
  • Massachusetts at Penn State: Will Manny does Will Manny things, which usually involves Will Manny making opponents hate Will Manny. Penn State won't cotton to Will Manny just because he's Will Manny, but you can never count out Will Manny when he's doing Will Manny things even if they aren't on Will Manny's home field. Will Manny.
  • Syracuse at Johns Hopkins: It's easily the biggest game of the year so far for each school. Syracuse vomited all over itself last weekend at St. John's while the Blue Jays cruised over UMBC. Johns Hopkins' defense is a Panzer tank with laser-guided target lock while the Orange are still trying to figure out what kind of machinery it is working with. Homewood Field should be a zoo for a late-afternoon ESPNU affair.
  • Fairfield at Colgate: This would be an Unbeaten!-Unblemished! matchup had Colgate not inexplicably dropped a game to Dartmouth earlier in the season. The Stags have been playing with fire lately, which is good if you're working the barbecue or are an arsonist. As a lacrosse theory, though, it probably isn't your best modus operandi. The Raiders are all sorts of drunk on scoring goals this season, and with Peter Baum serving as the general to the team's offensive, Colgate will probably be looking to create a rocket show.
  • Delaware at Hofstra: THUNDERDOME! Rumors are that Delaware has a nail gun and will be playing in chainmail; Hofstra is countering with a battle axe and a homemade flamethrower. This is going to be awesome.

Here's the rest of today's slate:

MARCH 17, 2012
AWAY HOME TIME (E.T.) FUN FACTOR RANK
Yale Cornell 1:00 6.8972 1
Villanova Maryland 1:00 6.5606 2
Air Force Loyola 12:00 6.0229 3
Lafayette Bucknell 3:00 5.6060 4
Massachusetts Penn State 12:00 5.1159 5
Syracuse Johns Hopkins 4:00 4.9070 6
Fairfield Colgate 1:00 4.8188 7
Virginia Ohio State 1:00 4.5269 8
Bellarmine Michigan 3:00 4.3937 9
Army Lehigh 1:00 4.2132 10
Quinnipiac Hartford 2:00 3.9050 11
Pennsylvania Princeton 2:00 3.8739 12
Delaware Hofstra 1:00 3.6770 13
Robert Morris Hobart 1:00 3.2286 14
Georgetown Providence 1:00 2.9317 15
Towson Stony Brook 1:00 2.8905 16
Siena VMI 1:00 2.4716 17
St. John's Rutgers 3:00 2.4181 18
Jacksonville Marist 1:00 2.2662 19
Bryant Albany 1:00 2.1967 20
Holy Cross Navy 1:30 1.9506 21
Sacred Heart Vermont 1:00 1.9460 22
Brown Harvard 7:00 1.9455 23
Drexel Mount St. Mary's 4:00 1.6796 24
Detroit Canisius 1:00 1.2603 25
Binghamton Manhattan 1:00 1.2416 26

This is your open thread for Saturday. I know that you're not Irish so stop lying through apparel. People will be around to yak about whatever is tickling their fancy. Tomorrow's games will appear in a post, well, tomorrow.

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