Welcome to the Bears Mahal

Mercer is sitting pretty in one of the nicest facilities in the country.

In case you don't remember -- and judging by the page views, it's more of a "this exists?" thing rather than a lapse of memory -- Mercer spent a big chunk of the summer and fall building one of the nicest facilities in all of college lacrosse. The joint has been named the Drake Field House, a dual-purpose facility for both the school's football and lacrosse programs. Early returns were saying that the joint was going to be nice, but as the video up there shows, it's just about the swankiest thing this side of Beverly Hills.

To the breakdown!

0:02: That's the sound of a bear being tortured, wailing as it's being forced to watch continuous episodes of Two and a Half Men until it lets its human captors know where all that honey is being hidden.

0:23: The stage manager/custodian forgot to put the vacuum cleaner away. He's fired.

1:08: Big Gulps, huh? Welp. See ya later.

1:14: Ah, yes. The ol' I-see-you-but-I-don't-want-to-talk-to-you-because-yeah-well-you-know-that-thing-that-happened-but-I'll-gesture-to-you-any-way-to-acknowledge-my-accidental-sighting-of-you hand wave.

1:39: David Jadin is definitely working harder than Lex Whistleblower. (Unless there is a cache of SunnyD that I didn't see.)

2:02: Wait. There's a special teams meeting room? Do the FOGO's just rush in for the face-off film and then rush off as soon as that part of the review is done?

2:28: If the midfield meeting room was built 20 years ago, the chairs would swivel and work for both ends of the room.

3:00: "The board, for plays and whatnot." I'm assuming that "whatnot" means high stakes games of tic-tac-toe in which players bet fingers and other digits. The first rule of Mercer Tic-Tac-Toe Club is that you don't talk about Mercer Tic-Tac-Toe Club; you call it "whatnot," duh.

3:28: Welcome to the Mercer Lacrosse Team Room and Convention Center! All participants will receive a wristband redeemable for two complementary bottles of Gatorade. Enjoy your stay!

4:12: SHASTA!

5:47: Training room, eh? I'm no huckleberry, okay? I know what this room is for -- dangerous scientific experiments. I can see it in all the tools and infrastructure. I bet this is where Mercer conducts its genetic engineering, splicing the genes of a human with a crossbow to create a guy that can shoot arrows out of his mouth simply by putting his index fingers into the corners of his mouth and pulling outward. You're not fooling anyone, Mercer.

6:40: I see a distinct lack of Volkswagens in the weight room. If there are no Volkswagens around, how can Mercer lacrosse dead lift Volkswagens as part of the weight and conditioning program? None of this makes sense.

7:21: Wait, the strength and conditioning coach is named "Coach BAM BAM"? That is fantastic. Please tell me that the cafeteria honored him with a special: A brontosaurus burger with 25 push-ups.

9:03: Physcial therapy room? Yeah, right. More like torture chamber, infidel.

9:39: WE'RE GONNA NEED A MONTAGE! YEAH, A MONTAGE!

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