Impress your friends with how emo you are. via store.cstv.com
This is it, boys and girls. We're nearing the Kevorkian Point: The ventilator is making its last whooshing pump before the sweet release to Elysium.
Going into last week there were two teams standing strong, eschewing victory as if it were riddled with disease and carrying the stigma of a scarlet letter. St. Joseph's -- a double-digit loser on the year -- pridefully stepped forward in its pursuit of perfection, yielding seven goals to Pennsylvania in the second half on the way to a 13-5 beating at the hands of the Quakers.
Wagner, not to be outdone by the Hawks, put together a clinic on Saturday on how to get decimated. Visiting Mount St. Mary's, the Seahawks took a 22-5 drubbing, giving up no fewer than five goals in each quarter. The hot rumor is that Wagner was rushed to the hospital immediately after the game as local paramedics believed the Seahawks' season to be dead.
The attending doctor, however, managed to revive the team. The prognosis wasn't good, though: He only gave Wagner about one more week to live.
So, we're coming to the dead end that is the 2011 "Reverse Survivor" road. Both Wagner and St. Joseph's will conclude their seasons on Saturday.
Remaining Games: at Towson
Likelihood for Victory: 10%. The Tigers have had one of the roughest seasons I can remember. They've lost tons of close games this season (five, to be exact) and is probably one of the tougher 2-10 teams in recent memory. (If that's a thing.) The Hawks could put the fear in God in Towson, especially if the Tigers come out flat given that there isn't anything on the line, but all signs point to St. Joseph's finishing the year with an unblemished mark in the left-hand column.
Remaining Games: Quinnipiac
Likelihood of Victory: 0%. I'd feel bad for Wagner if I had human emotions.