It's the 2012 NCAA Tournament! Take out the nice napkins and make sure that your kid doesn't have crap all over his face. College Crosse has this all under control, so feel safe, friends. If you missed anything -- and you really shouldn't because you're only hurting yourself if you do -- click this fancy highlighted text to get all caught up.

It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia - Temptation Sensation (via sofiahime)

Technically I'm lying to you because these games are in Chester, not in Philadelphia. But if the NCAA says it's Philly, it's Philly. Grab your Philly Cheesesteaks and get prepped for the quarterfinals with these infographs. There's two games on the docket, as Notre Dame and Virginia face off in the only fully-seeded quarterfinal of the tournament followed by Colgate looking to pull off another huge upset against Duke. If you're at home, the games will be televised on ESPNU, complete with all the Enterprise, Sector SPDRs, and Paul Rabil/Warrior WUB WUB WUB WUB WUB commercials you can handle.

#5 Virginia vs. #4 Notre Dame

Dropkick Murphys Song of the Matchup: "Loyal to No-One" because it's an awesome song and has a train and Philadelphia's got a pretty large commuter-rail system. Yeah.

Don't worry, Colgate and Duke fans, you didn't get the shaft. Just click after the jump to see your infographic and hear your Dropkick Murphys song.

Continue reading this post »

It's the 2012 NCAA Tournament! Take out the nice napkins and make sure that your kid doesn't have crap all over his face. College Crosse has this all under control, so feel safe, friends. If you missed anything -- and you really shouldn't because you're only hurting yourself if you do -- click this fancy highlighted text to get all caught up.

The only issue with these infographics are that they get a little redundant this time of year. And when it comes to the two games in Annapolis, you've seen these things already a few weeks ago (ahem and sorta ahem). However, because you guys love infographics, and you love rivalries, which Johns Hopkins-Maryland and Loyola-Denver are two of the best in the biz, and I love the readers of this site, so without further ado, here's two matchup infographics for the games you'll see Saturday on ESPN2 from Annapolis, Maryland. Good luck with traffic on I-97 if you're going from Navy-Marine Corps Memorial Stadium to the Preakness. I'm still not sure which genius at the NCAA thought that was a good idea...

Maryland vs. #2 Johns Hopkins

Dropkick Murphys Song(s) of the Matchup: Mandatory "Johnny I Hardly Knew Ya" and "Which Side Are You On?" for the rivalry aspect.

Denver-Loyola comes after the jump

Continue reading this post »

PEW! PEW! PEW! PINK SLIP/LETTER OF RESIGNATION GUN!

Programs are racking up head coaching kills all over the place. I hope that people realize that highest score probably doesn't win. (I think. Is there a seedy underground competition between athletic directors where they compete to see how many coaches they can fire/get to resign/force people into spending more time with their family? That'd be something else, I tell you. Also, I want in on that action.)

Providence College is the latest program to hang a vacancy sign over their lacrosse offices after Chris Burdick let the school know that his days of gym teaching at the school were over:

It was announced today that Chris Burdick has resigned as the men's lacrosse coach at Providence College. Burdick coached the Friars for 14 seasons. A national search to find his successor will begin immediately.

"I want to thank Chris for all his efforts and wish him the best in his future endeavors," Athletics Director Bob Driscoll said. "I believe our lacrosse program has a strong foundation and we are poised to move ahead into a new era in Friar lacrosse. We are about to begin construction on a new lacrosse stadium and a locker room facility. That combined with the fact that the BIG EAST is one of the premier conferences in the nation for lacrosse should make this a very appealing head coaching position."

Since 2005, Burdick guided the Friars to a 43-81 record, including a winless campaign in 2010. Providence hasn't had a winning record since 2006 and only holds five wins in the last three seasons. That's . . . well . . . I'm not really sure what to say. At least Providence wasn't shut out twice in the same season like Manhattan, right? That has to count for something, right? (I'm just pissing in the wind here. I have no clue.)

Regardless Providence's recent struggles, I'm still throwing my hat in the ring:

Mr. Bob Driscoll
Athletics Director
Providence College
One Cunningham Square
Providence, Rhode Island 02918

RE: Head Coach Vacancy -- Men's Lacrosse

Dear Future Employer That Will Hire and Then Eventually Fire Me:

My name is Hoya Suxa. You probably already know that, though, as I'm a huge Internet celebrity. If you'd like a signed 8x10 glossy of my head shot, please send a self-addressed, stamped envelope to my return address and I'll make your office infinitely more adorable.

Anyway, I understand that you're looking for a new head men's lacrosse coach. Well, let me tell you something: Due to my parents being ridiculous huckleberries from Southern New England, I have a nasty Rhode Island accent. I know all about taking things to "the cleanahs" and putting all my preserves "down cellah." In fact, this is my Bible:

So, I think we'd be a match made in heaven. If you refuse, I know a guy that knows a guy that owns a waste management facility, if you get my drift.

Best,

Hoya Suxa

This is obviously your favorite site, but other people actually write important stuff sometimes. Now is that sometimes.

Colgate Men’s Lacrosse 2012 Player Blog: Go to the Final Four
Let me start by apologizing for not getting an entry out last week. I know many people were disappointed, Guy Madison and Tim Ledwick probably the most. Finals and papers took their toll on me and I was sadly forced to focus all of my writing ability on school. That is not the case this week though!

Rematches and Reacquaintances in the Quarterfinals
Saturday's quarterfinals in Annapolis, Md., and Sunday's round in Chester, Pa. provide four exciting games to take in over the weekend, but the pairings are interesting foils.

Quint vs. Dixon - Quarterfinal Edition
Quint and Mark Dixon discuss the NCAA quarterfinals. Topics include- Best game, individual match-ups and they make their picks.

Duke lacrosse star returning to Philly for NCAA quarterfinals
In February 2011, former Lower Merion High lacrosse star Jordan Wolf returned home as a Duke freshman. In only his third game, Wolf had minimal impact as the Blue Devils were upset by Penn, 7-3, at Franklin Field.

Pain Free Marlatt Thriving For Notre Dame
A year ago, Notre Dame sophomore attackman Jim Marlatt was fairly miserable in South Bend. He had recently removed the back brace he had worn throughout the school year, allowing him finally to practice with the Fighting Irish after spending a season on the shelf.

Quint Kessenich: Previewing the NCAA Quarterfinals
The payoff of the playoffs is here.

Bustin' cliches and facing teams three times in a year
So, is it actually hard to beat a team three times in a season?

Today's beats: I'll be getting on the road soon, and there are few bands better to travel with than Medeski Martin & Wood:

If you're like me -- named Matt and having a fear of children because they're alien beings with a genetic disposition to poop and want things -- then you probably have a lot of friends that have no idea about this whole college lacrosse thing. It can be hard to sell them on watching a game that, to them, is just 20 guys holding jousting weaponry without a horse.

What I've found, however, is that if you sell them the game through something they know it's easier to get them to come along for the fun. As everyone pretty much likes television (despite the fact that it is crushing all of our brains and turning us into the robots that will eventually enslave us all), I like to employ the TV Guide method of persuasion: Unabashed up-selling with little context to reality, all written at a fourth-grade level of interest-generation.

It's sleazy, sure, but it's not like I shorted a bad investment that I encouraged my pals to make, resulting in catastrophic losses on their end and a windfall retirement fund for me. Lacrosse is just too big to fail; it's a fact.

So, if you're in a similar situation to the one that I'm in, just steal the stuff below -- I mean, you're going to steal the stuff anyway; at least you have permission this time -- and watch your game watches and pilgrimages to Annapolis and Philadelphia grow to unimaginable numbers! (Estimated.)

Annapolis Regional

12:00 ESPN2: Maryland at Johns Hopkins -- WESTERN

Two old adversaries meet again after a period of detente. To settle the scores of 108 prior conflicts, the Terrapins and Blue Jays have agreed to a duel: Lacrosse sticks at 110 yards at high noon. It's a grudge match that has defined the formerly barren landscape; the only question is whether this is the end of the blood feud or just another chapter.

2:30 ESPN2: Denver at Loyola -- POLICE DRAMA

The last time we saw Denver and Loyola, the Greyhounds escaped the pursuit of Denver in a wild chase that saw the Pioneers lose the scent of the case, pick up a clue, and eventually see Loyola elude them at the end. Denver has had the renegade Greyhounds within their grasp twice this season; will today be the day that the Pioneers finally get the collar they've worked so hard to get or will Loyola continue on its vigilante run?

Philadelphia Regional

12:00 ESPNU: Virginia at Notre Dame -- COMEDY

Laughs for the whole family! Virginia has the spark to get out and see the world while Notre Dame is happy to just kind of stay in and have a TV dinner. It's like they don't even know each other! A tribute to Neil Simon's Odd Couple without, of course, the threat of suicide!

2:30 ESPNU: Colgate at Duke -- ADVENTURE/KUNG-FU

Badass ass-kicking with throwing stars and stuff. 'Nough said.

Well, that escalated quickly.

First, Tim McIntee was sent to a farm in Pennsylvania where he could roam free with all the other animals (at least that's what my mother told me); now, Lafayette head man Terry Mangan has stepped down from his perch atop the Leopards lacrosse program:

Following his 10th season at the helm of the Lafayette men’s lacrosse program, Terry Mangan has stepped down as the Leopards’ Head Coach.

“Terry is a valuable asset to our lacrosse program and community,” Director of Athletics Bruce McCutcheon said. “I am saddened by his decision to leave Lafayette. He will be difficult to replace.”

Mangan will serve as the Regional Director for PreGame Lacrosse, a national recruiting education and evaluation service, which was founded in 2011 by former college lacrosse coaches Jim Stagnitta and Tony Seaman. Mangan’s resignation becomes effective June 1, 2012.

Lafayette, because consultants can't consult unless they are given wide consulting responsibilities associated with the profession of consulting, will begin a national search for a new shining beacon of hope starting immediately. Which, if you haven't gotten a call yet, probably means that you won't be offered the job. That's the thing with immediacy; it's immediate.

Regardless of Lafayette's already underway coaching search, I'm throwing my hat in the ring:

Mr. Bruce McCutcheon
Director of Athletics
Kirby Sports Center
Pierce & Hamilton Streets
Easton, Pennsylvania 18042

RE: Head Coach Vacancy -- Men's Lacrosse

Dear Future Employer That I Will Steal Paper Clips From:

My name is Hoya Suxa. Do you know how to bury a body? I'm asking for a friend.

Anyway, I saw through my Internet computing machine that you need a new head men's lacrosse coach. I also saw that you're not making the decision through a blind raffle, which is disappointing because I'm really due to win one of those things. Are you willing to reconsider your hiring approach? I can loan you one of those church bingo ball machines if you need one. Just let me know.

Regarding the merits of my candidacy for your vacant gym teach position, I think that I can really do great things for the Leopards. Here's just a sample of my capabilities:

• Every single day of my existence I have woken up. You really can't put a value on being a living human being, and I have to say that my perfect track record is nothing to scoff at.
• People say that you attract more flies with honey than with vinegar, but my guiding principle in life has been that you attract more flies with 12-hour wind sprints and bench pressing Volkswagens than you can with vinegar. I'm not really sure what that has to do with anything, but I have a violent allergy to vinegar.
• I'm not saying that I know how to have Lehigh "accidentally" radar-locked on a laser-guided missile from an Air Force stealth fighter performing a routine sortie over Eastern Pennsylvania; I'm just saying that I know people who know about these kinds of things. Think about it.

I anxiously await your extension of a contract offer. Also, please don't write the contract in vinegar on account of my violent vinegar allergy.

Best,

Hoya Suxa